Raising Kids & Running a Business
Raising Kids & Running a Business
041 | Choosing Joy, Quitting the Grind, and Trusting the Pivot with Sandra Daniele
What if the dream you worked so hard to build… no longer fits who you are?
In this heartfelt and perspective-shifting episode, Kate sits down with life coach Sandra Daniele to talk about what it really looks like to evolve, pivot, and give yourself permission to change course—especially as a single mom raising a teenager.
Sandra opens up about the early years of single parenting, how coaching transformed her healing journey, and why letting go of a goal isn’t the same thing as giving up. They explore the messiness of identity, the freedom in morning routines, and the magic of doing things just for joy.
This episode is for every parent and business owner stuck between what they built and what they truly want next.
Highlights
- Redefining Identity - Sandra shares the honest truth about not knowing how to introduce herself—and why that's okay.
- Motherhood + Solo Parenting - The emotional weight of early single motherhood and why it didn’t have to be as hard as it felt.
- The Coaching Journey - How becoming a life coach changed everything—and why Sandra no longer markets herself that way.
- Letting Go Without Giving Up - Why stepping back from a business doesn’t mean you’ve failed—and how ego often clouds that truth.
- Joy as a Compass - From playing flashlight tag to watching butterflies on hikes—how small joys point us back to ourselves.
Connect with Sandra Daniele online:
Connect with Kate Christy:
Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies
Kate Christy: Hello, Sandra, I am so excited to have you on the podcast today. We have been working together for years, I don't know how many years. I've had so many wonderful conversations and I'm so excited to have a conversation with you on the podcast and that all my listeners get to listen in and get to know you a little bit more.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah, thanks Kate. and hello to all those listeners out there. My name is Sandra Daniele and I'm a single mom to a 16-year-old son. And when Kate said I had to introduce myself, I honestly froze. I thought, oh my God, what do I do? And here's the thing, I'm an adult that's still figuring it out, and I think that's okay.
And as you look at your kids and you start thinking about, oh, they need to be a certain way or a certain something. Just remember that as life takes them and you on this path, you'll find where you need to be.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think as a child, I was like, man, once I get to be in sixth grade, I'll have it figured out.
Once I get to be in high school, I'll have it figured out, and then I'm like, oh, an adult. I'm like, no. Everyone's just figuring it out all the time.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. And I think since I've given myself that freedom to say, I'm just figuring it out. I don't know if easier is the word, but there's more grace with myself.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. I think when we have more grace with ourself, then we can have more grace with the people around us.
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I definitely have found a lot more happiness and just like exhale, I guess once I release that had to have this perfect delivery or things buttoned up or this. appearance or presence you know, I have this together, I have it figured out.
which is always a dance, especially in business where I'm like, well, I want them to think I do have it figured out a little bit, so they trust me. Yeah, well do, and I have
Sandra Daniele: talked about that before. we wanna present ourselves as the one that knows, come to me because I know I can solve all the problems.
And I think, business and life are related and they're also very different you know, if they're coming to us as a client, there has to be respect, there has to be a sense of safety, security, and whatever it is that your business is. Then in life. Sure. Those things need to be there too.
we also wanna just get to be us. 'cause this is it one chance.
And what I've learned from my coaching is that the right people will come to you. And I remember when I first started coaching and I thought, oh my God, do I have to talk like everybody else? They all seem to have this very slow and mellow voice.
And I just thought, oh my God, that's not me. I am loud and I just kind of say what's on my mind so there's this finding who we are and what we do and where we stand.
Kate Christy: okay. Let's back up a little bit. Yeah. You said single mom, 16-year-old. Let's wind the clock back a little bit because, as I said before we hit record.
A lot of listeners are still in the thick of it with young kids trying to navigate that and, sometimes someone a little further along can shed some light on that journey. so I'd love to talk a little bit about earlier in your son's life, like that transition into becoming a single mom, what that was like.
if you wanted to peel back the curtain a little bit on that for us.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. The first thing that comes to mind is it was hard. I think that motherhood is hard already, and then you make a decision to break apart your family. And not everybody supports that decision. And that's really hard.
And yet I had to trust that my heart, my intuition, all of it, knew that this was the right thing. And so my son at the time, was three. I ended up with 70% custody. So, I'm not a true single mom. However, we don't live in the same town, we're a hundred miles apart.
So when we talk about raising a small child, I, feel I've been doing it on my own the day to day, the school, the doctor's appointments, all of it. Mm-hmm. And trying to be all of the things that I think I'm supposed to be, so young age, young parenting,
it's tough. I look back and I think it wasn't as hard as I made it.
or it didn't have to be as hard as I made it. Maybe that's, a better way to say it. it's a juggling act for sure. Especially if you are working in a corporate environment. And I know that most of your listeners are.
Entrepreneurs are, working in their own business. And that's a trick too, because there's a lot of, emotion and confidence that's needed to put yourself out there in a vulnerable place. So here you are vulnerable as a parent and now you're vulnerable in a business. so I don't wanna totally go down the rabbit hole, but it was hard. And then it got easier. they start having more conversations with you and of course they're always little people, but they become more of a little person and
there's awe and there's wonderment and you can release the concern about are they gonna be okay and are they keeping up with all the other kids and are they doing it right, am I doing it right? And you just get down on their level and you look at the world through their eyes, everything changes.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: as they age,
there are new challenges, so it's not so much like the sleepless night whatever, running them to a practice all the time, Although that continues until they can drive. But, there's different challenges. You, start to see them trying to acclimate with friends, and maybe they are, they aren't.
And that starts to bring up your own anxiety about when you were a kid. so there's different challenges as you go through this. But there's also,
a light it's easier in a different way because they crave independence. They wanna do more for themselves. And if you trust yourself enough, you can trust your kids enough to let them have, appropriate independence.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. I think that's something that we're coming up on with our oldest, where it's, you easily get in the habit of doing things for them you continue to do these things because it's quicker, it's easier, it's whatever.
then you realize, no, this kid was capable of this like two years ago. Why am I still doing this? but your kids, they just, grow up so fast and things change so rapidly that it almost does take this pause to be like, oh, this is a much older trial now. This is a much more capable trial now
it's mind boggling, And like talking about wonder and the awe. I was just sharing this story with a friend the other day around Kane. my oldest had played basketball for the first season. Both the boys played basketball this first time, this past winter season.
And the last game, like poor Kane, he's a nerd in and out. And, he had such a good attitude about it and he was so happy to do it and couldn't even make it up to the basket. In the last game, the coach was like, the play is get Kane the ball. And so everyone worked to get him the ball to get him a basket, and he finally got it.
I just burst into tears. it was one of those moments of parenthood that it just knocks you sideways where you're overrun with. Emotion and awe. And you're like, oh my gosh. I never pictured us being here, but like, we're here and this is so
Sandra Daniele: cool. That's so funny.
I love that. And I remember the first time my son made a soccer goal and he's not super athletic, right. So it's sort of the same kind of thing. And I thought gold stars were gonna shoot outta me, right? It was like, oh my God, did everybody see that? that was my son. I get that.
Absolutely. And you know the point of, okay, Cain is getting older and he can do certain things for himself. as a mom, I think there's some guilt. Mm-hmm. And so I'm always wanting to do everything. Always wanting to make it so perfect.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And it's interesting because he's 16 and he'll say, now, you know, I can do that myself.
And the other morning I had asked him, oh, do you want hot chocolate? Well, yeah, that would be nice. I can do that myself. And I said, I know, and I can also do it for you because it makes me feel good.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: So I guess the idea there is as they get older, you have the choice if you still want to be giving of your time and your energy.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And you also wanna teach them to be self-sufficient.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: We're not doing them any favors by. Coddling.
Kate Christy: my best friend, she's a single mom of three children, and they're I think her oldest is 13 maybe, but she, kind of goes round and round with that thought of, I rely on him to help make all this work, and I'm nervous that, I'm putting too much on him.
That that's not his responsibility. But at the same time, is this helping him grow in ways too? You know, you have that back and forth of like, am I fucking them up or am I preparing them for the world?
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. And I don't think we know. I don't think we ever know, and I think about my own parents and how they raised me, and you know how I have this idea that I can do it all.
'cause that's how they raised me, like. You're productive and you work fast and you do the right thing and No, no, no. and I hear myself sometimes instilling that in my son and I'm thinking, whoa, is this a good thing or not? I think it's important to know for them to learn like, Hey, you have to show up for people.
Mm-hmm. Like the world doesn't revolve around them.
Kate Christy: Yeah. Right. Well, like making the, hot chocolate, this is an act of love, an active service for your son. But he's like, I can do myself, mom. Like,
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. Finding that balance. I mean, I think every parent worries have I messed up?
And I don't think there's an answer for that.
Kate Christy: Yeah. I think we should just knock that off right now. I.
Sandra Daniele: Me too. Right? Because here's the thing, were my parents perfect? no, not at all. And they're also not here anymore. And my choices are my own responsibility.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And the same will hold for my son.
I'm doing the best. I know how my parents did the best they know how, and then it was up to me, and it's up to him, and it's up to all these kids out there to take what they've learned and to be better.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. let's go back to a word that you said a couple times. Uh, oh, coaching. Oh, yeah. When you got on here, you're like, I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't know what I am, I'm evolving. I'm figuring it out. But you did drop the word coaching a couple times and that's how we met when you were building your coaching business. so I wanna talk a little bit about that. 'cause I know so much of your story, and your growth and evolution, is really tied into personal growth and really investing in yourself your happiness.
And we could talk all day long about how much a mother's happiness impacts the, the, life of their children. so I wanna kind of go back a little bit talk about your relationship with coaching and how that's evolved and you becoming a coach. So let's dig into that. Okay.
Sandra Daniele:
So when I got divorced and I moved back to Santa Barbara, I had to get a job again. my son is three, well now he's four. By the time this is all said and done. So I went back into the corporate world and I was working in human resources and it was just a grind. You know, you're on somebody else's schedule.
I've got this young kid, I got a pickup, whatever. And I was also working through a lot, with the divorce, with dad passed away, my mom had already passed away. There's just a lot of stuff as we all have. And I had been going to therapy andI felt as though the therapist could tell me my story probably better than I could tell her my story.
It was just the same thing. And felt very stagnant and very stuck. And I learned about coaching through a book that I had been reading, a self-help book. and I got curious, I got curious about what coaching was and what did that mean? And I was so desperate for something different, like something to shift how I was feeling.
And I just talked about how, this attitude of, oh, I can do that. And work hard. And so when I was looking into this coaching and looking into hiring a coach, I thought, well, why don't I just get certified in coaching? Because part of that is I had to hire a coach to work with me during my.
Progress. And so I became a certified life coach. I don't know, it's probably been six years now. And my initial out of the gate was, to help women be their best. And that sounds so cliche. However, I had spent so much of my life not being myself and hiding and checking all the boxes that I thought I was supposed to check and still not happy.
And so I start coaching. I'm still in the corporate world. my son is, right there with me.
I was coaching women and they're doing these really big things. I mean, they're, quitting jobs and they're starting businesses, and I felt like a fraud. Shh, right? I thought, oh my God, these women are really making big moves and I'm still playing small. I'm in my corporate job. I'm coaching on the weekends.
I'm coaching at night.
That's not who I wanna be. If I wanna walk my talk, I wanna be the coach that does what she coaches on. I wanna lead the pack so I quit my corporate job and I just took a chance on myself and That's really, really hard. And for anyone out there that's, struggling in their business and wondering where the next client's gonna come from, hello.
Been there, done that. Lots of calls with Kate, like it must be my website. Maybe if we change the color of my website. desperate. And then I had some big wins and I was on a streak and I was sharing a lot of personal information, which wasn't feeling great. And. Ironically or not, my Instagram account got hacked.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. Yeah. One day Sandra was like selling me on some stock market stuff. I was like, this is a hard pivot, Sandra.
Sandra Daniele: Right. I know. it was crazy. So I thought, well, maybe this is a sign. And so I pulled back from the Instagram and I was really kind of struggling with the coaching and what did I want to be sharing?
I think I felt, so good within myself that I didn't really want to be putting all of this old stuff out for the world.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. Like
Sandra Daniele: that just didn't feel right anymore.
I kind of just trusted like it was gonna work out. And my best friend has an HR consulting firm and I worked in HR forever, which I swore I would never go back to. And she kind of roped me in a tricky way. and I know it wasn't intentional, but she said, oh, you know, I have this client that needs executive coaching and I think you would be perfect for it.
was like, okay, yeah, I can do that. Well that was, about a year ago. And I am still doing work with her. I wouldn't necessarily say for her, I would just say with it's not horrible. And I've kind of let the coaching go.
And then I also haven't let the coaching go because I'm acting or working as a mentor coach for a coaching certification program. So all that to say is I think I will always have the coaching in me. Mm-hmm.
Kate Christy: And that's
Sandra Daniele: just who I am. That's what fills my cup the most. And when it felt really hard, sure, maybe that's when you push through,
but I wanted to be out of corporate so I could focus on my son and if I was too stressed about where the next client was gonna come from, that wasn't leaving a lot of room to focus on what he had going on.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. I remember the last time we had a chat, we were talking about where you were, I was like, what's going on?
What's up? And you were kind of going through the list of, well, this is where I'm at, this is what I'm doing, and it's really great. it wasn't that goal that we had been working towards originally. Right? Like, it had totally changed, but when you stepped back and looked at it, you were like, oh, I'm actually living the life that I was working towards.
I get to go to the gym classes that I like. I get to set my hours, I get to do, whatever it is that I wanna do when I wanna do it. So like, this is what I was actually working towards.
Sandra Daniele: that's the beauty of it, is that I think when we stop trying to shove.
Our kids into they need to be a certain way or be a certain place at a certain time. And we stop shoving ourselves into those holes that we don't really fit into and we let life happen. And maybe some people are like, oh yeah, right. she's all butterfly wings over there. I'm not, you know what I mean?
Not at all. I've also just learned that I'm not in control. Mm-hmm. I can make choices and then I have to let go.
And like you said, it's so funny, I was walking my dog this morning and my neighbor was getting in his truck to go to work and I had my gym clothes on 'cause I was gonna go work out afterwards and I just stopped and said, thank you.
I'm so grateful. I do not drive to work every morning that I am not on anyone else's schedule. That I am headed to the gym. And yes, this is the life I wanted.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. And
Sandra Daniele: my son drives now, so it's like, I don't even have to take him to school. It's just like, woo, party in the morning. Party in the morning.
Kate Christy: I love a slow morning and like morning by my rules more than anything.
but my children have other plans currently, so, that's a dream. That's for later.
Sandra Daniele: And also, they start getting themselves ready and then it's like, you know.
Kate Christy: Yeah,
The boys get up and they get on the bus around seven, so get up around six and we get on the bus at seven and usually ma doesn't wake up until like an hour or maybe sometimes two hours after that.
so I'm like, Ooh, this is me time. And this morning before the alarm went off, she's like, good morning. I was like, Nope. That's not what you're supposed to be doing. What are you doing?
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. For me, morning time is magic. I get up early, I up at usually five most mornings. and I and I read and I have my cup of coffee.
I might stretch a little or roll my back out, but it's just my time. Mm-hmm. And to me, that's the perfect setup for whatever the day is gonna bring.
Kate Christy: And I think with small children, you have a really hard time seeing that light at the end of the tunnel, right? Because it seems like you're so sleep deprived and you're trying to get as much sleep as you can.
then when you're woken up by a little person, you're like, Ugh.
Sandra Daniele: Oh, for sure. Or even if you have a mate and they wake you up, it's like, I mean, to sharing a bed.
There's nothing better than no noises. No. Cover stealing, just like, ugh,
Kate Christy: MySpace. My domain. Yes. Yes. one of my husband's favorite stories to tell is like, when we first started dating, we had gone out to a party and we came back to my apartment and we'd ordered pizza, and I laid down on the couch and fell asleep, and he got down and was like, Hey, the pizza's here and my eyeballs are shot open.
I was like, get out of my face.
Sandra Daniele: Oh my goodness. Well, and he married me. Shoulda known what he was for. Right. Like, and that was dating
Kate Christy: he was like, okay, noted. Don't like the dragon. so the kids will like go wake mama up. But I'm usually up before him. there's a very, very rare instance where he has to wake me up.
that's one of his favorite. But yeah, having that space, that domain, waking up on your own terms that just it. I know you just said I know I'm not in control, but that gives you the illusion of control.
Sandra Daniele: Well, yeah. I mean, it's for that moment, it's your time, I think that's important to, even if you feel sleep deprived, to still be able to carve out, even if it's five minutes to, take the first sip of coffee or tea just to ground yourself and let yourself know that, today will be whatever I make it. Mm-hmm. I choose how I react, I choose how I show up.
I choose what's gonna bother me.
Kate Christy: Yeah. We went on a hike last week. My kids were on spring break and I love hiking. It's my new favorite hobby and, As I was walking, I'm feeling good huffing nature feeling alive. And I had this thought, I was like, what if I just decided to be happy all the time?
What if I just chose happiness? I can do that. What a thought. Right. and I tell my kids too, all the time, I'm like, you can control how you react. That is a hundred percent in your control. You get to choose, having those conversations about can't control what other people do.
You can't control how they react. You can't control their actions, but you can choose how you react to it. And I was just thinking like, oh, I could drive a little bit more.
Sandra Daniele: Right. Yeah. It's funny the things we our kids and maybe we should really tell ourselves.
Maybe we should listen to what we're saying, and some of that
Kate Christy: Right.
Advice. Well, and we all know that modeling for our kids gets far better results than telling them, do, as I say, not as I do, is hogwash. There're like, I'm gonna do what you do, because that's what's seeping into my brain all the time. Right? yeah.
Sandra Daniele: And I'm guilty, I say that.
Shame on me.
Kate Christy: We all are. okay. I wanna dig a little deeper into this transition into coaching. Out of coaching, Because you. Had worked through this, it was a long time period too, working through this goal, like your personal growth and then becoming a coach and then coming to this, maybe this isn't what I'm supposed to be doing.
And I think that that point, like when someone gets to that point, especially as an entrepreneur, when you've built something and your identity becomes a part of what you've built, you come to this decision and it can feel really big and can feel really scary. And so I'd love for you to dig a little deeper in there and share a little bit of, how you were feeling, what you were doing, working through that, in case anyone listening finds themselves in a similar situation where they're like, I've built this thing.
I can't just walk away from it. But even though that thing that you build might not be right anymore, might not be good for you anymore, might not be the good thing to be doing.
Sandra Daniele: It's hard to talk to that as a hundred percent truth.
Kate Christy: Because
Sandra Daniele: I think I'm still in it. Mm-hmm. I think I'm still not certain what I want it to look like. I think right now this is working for me. However, if someone listening said, I would love to know what it's like to work with Sandra as my coach,
I wouldn't say I'm no longer a coach. I would get curious about what would that look like for us in that relationship. So I'm still going back and forth with
how much energy do I want to invest in? Drawing clients to me.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: If I didn't have to work really hard at that, I would be coaching.
So I'm not a hundred percent, I'm no longer coaching. And as I said, you know, I'm working as a mentor coach for a program called the Quantum Coaching Academy, and I love that. You know, I love that I'm still in it, that I haven't completely turned my back on it. It's just I'm not willing to go on Instagram, share my life, bear my soul to who knows who, and, For a client. that doesn't feel aligned for me.
Kate Christy: Yeah. I've had a similar turn of events in my business over the last year where, the beginning I'm building this thing, I'm the designer, I'm in charge, my signature's on it, kind of thing. that was the goal, or that was what I was working towards.
And over the past year, slowly bit by bit, I've been partnering with other designers, other agencies, other, people in kind of industry adjacent fields where they need someone who does what I do. And at first I felt like, this isn't what I said I was gonna do.
This isn't what I set out to do. But then once I got in it, I was like, oh, this is lovely. Someone else is wrangling the client, someone else is making most of the decisions, and I'm just here doing the thing that I enjoy doing, which is why I started my business in the first place. Mm-hmm. Is I'm sitting here designing for this person.
I'm, delivering on the creative. I'm not having to wear all the different business hats and, being a project manager, being in the accounting department, all this stuff. but it did take me a minute to come to and similar to you, like, Hey, I'm, living the life that like I set out to live.
It just looks a little different than I thought it would. I was like, wait a minute, all this other stuff, I don't enjoy doing it. It sucks. Not the client wrangling part. I love interacting with clients, but. just like the running of the business, the marketing, all this stuff. And I'm working with someone now who we've collaborated on a couple projects and he's like, this is going really well, isn't it?
I was like, yes it is. He's like, let's do more of it. I said, get on that. I'll be available when you're ready.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah, it's interesting, right? Because it comes down to what do you value
Kate Christy: mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And what's really important to you. And for me it's freedom of time.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And when I was so stressed, like, I gotta make a post, I gotta write a blog, I gotta, whatever.
maybe I had time but it didn't feel free.
Yeah, I think you need to weigh what was important about starting your own business and also be open to, it could look different.
Kate Christy: Yeah. And I think a lot of it's ego, And we get kind of caught up in, you know, oh, I said I was gonna do this, or this is what I set out to do, or this is how I've been doing it and this is, people associate me with this and letting go of that.
And I think as a designer too, me working for other people, no one knows that I did that. They think the other people did that. And that was like a big thing for me to let go of. Yeah. Too. It's like, this isn't your portfolio piece. you don't get to put your signature on the bottom of it.
But when I stepped back, I was like, oh, I'm doing the thing that I wanted to do with my time, which was designing, and I'm happy as a clam about that. Like you with the, coaching and the mentoring you're doing now, right? Like you're just in there doing the thing. Mm-hmm. Totally running the business, marketing, wondering where the next client is.
Like you're in the thick of that thing that you love doing it, that you enjoy doing. That's your superpower.
Sandra Daniele: it is my superpower.
Yeah. Well, going back to, the introduction and you said, oh, you're gonna introduce yourself, and I'm thinking, oh my God, what, who am I?
What do I do? I dunno what I do, I feel a little bit like a fraud and, oh, I failed at something I put so much time into, and at the same time did I. don't think so. I did it, I tried it. I could go back to it, I'm not stuck in corporate just doing the grind.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: yeah, I agree with you. There's definitely ego involved. and for me it's this, well, what am am I an HR consultant now or am I a coach slash consultant? I don't know what I am. but I do know I walked my dog this morning, I went to the gym. I'm having this lovely conversation and that's all good.
That's all good stuff.
Kate Christy: I think that we struggle with, These types of decisions 'cause they feel really big. And I'm gonna kind of ask you to, respond from a coaching perspective too, right? 'cause you're saying I don't know what I am anymore. did I fail, did I not, like I could go back to it, right?
But in that moment you feel like you're on this. if I take one step one way or the other, I'm leaving something behind. Right. And I know with the type of work that you do with coaching, like you're helping people work through big life transitions, big decisions getting over mental emotional blocks, right?
Around decisions with relationships, with their jobs, with life in general. what would you say in an instance when someone's coming to you with, I think I have to put this thing down, or I think I have to walk away from this. Feeling like it's this huge monumental decision, but is it are we making mountains outta molehills?
Are we thinking about this wrong?
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. So I guess your question to me is from a coaching perspective, what would I be driving towards or getting curious about? Mm-hmm. For somebody to help them uncover,
what was important when they started the business?
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: What's important to them now? What do they give themselves If they stay,
What are they? Not giving themselves if they don't. the path can go a lot of different ways and coaching is a lot of putting it back to the client. So the client actually has time to reflect. It's not advice giving, this is what you should do. It's very much about creating a space where the client can feel for the first time, real feelings.
That there's a safety in saying what they've been so scared to say to somebody else.
And it's in that powerful conversation that the doors get opened, the lights go on. That doesn't mean it's not scary, however, it feels so good. Mm-hmm. To say, to be asked a question that is just the right question at just the right time to even turn the key a tiny, tiny bit. That's life changing.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah.
Kate Christy: I think giving kind of breaking the seal a little bit, we kind of bit by bit little micro decision by micro decision end up where we are. Whether we were intentionally making those decisions or a lot of times it's unintentional.
Yeah. And then if you don't take that pause or even ask yourself or have someone else ask you right. It, takes something big to be like, whoa, how did I get here? What am I doing here? Do I wanna be here? it can be really easy just to keep going with the flow and, maintaining balance or neutrality in a situation.
Right. Not wanting to rock the boat around it because asking those questions or like breaking the seal
Sandra Daniele: can be
Kate Christy: really scary.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. And I think, what happens is I. We go to our family, we go to our friend and we might say, I'm really not sure about this business right now. And it's really not going the way I had planned.
And I don't know. and they really are looking, will you please just give me permission to get out? And what they get in return is, I am a fix-it person and I am your spouse and I am going to tell you you've got this and I'm gonna pump you up. And so we're never really allowed to just say shoot, I don't wanna do this anymore.
Right. Because we try to tiptoe along and, and maybe tell a best friend or tell a family member and they think they need to hold us and support us and make it still all okay, because this was our dream.
And that's the beauty of, whether it's coaching or even therapy or whether you find a friend that isn't in fix it mode, but the person that really just gets curious about why these thoughts are even coming up.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: No judgment around them, just curiosity. And that allows the individual to get curious.
Kate Christy: curious slash dreaming is something that has been difficult for me in the last several years because I think with Covid kids being home, multiple small children, like all that stuff rolled into a big old ball is, it just felt like everything went into, we just gotta get through this mode.
And it took me until this. Past year to realize, you stopped desiring things. You stopped wanting things, you stopped exploring, learning, trying new things because everything felt so hard. Like such a big lift. And then I realized that I had stopped dreaming or like coming up with these big audacious goals.
Like Kate, five years ago would've been like, I'm gonna do this big crazy thing. And people would be like, that seems a little crazy. And I'm like, no, it'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Right. And now I'm like, do I have a goal? I don't. once I came to that realization, it made me really sad for myself.
Mm-hmm. Like, oh, you just stopped being a whole person. Because you were just trying to get through it and then, you know, you're like, well, that's not the point of life. it's not just to grin and bear it and get through it, like it's to live it. So my question is, people finding themselves in this situation, women, mothers, business owners, where their dreamer feels a little broken, curiosity feels like a big ask.
what would you tell them or what kind of, assignment homework would you give them to, get back into that version of themselves or to tap back into that? Because it's there, it's just silenced, buried. Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: Mm-hmm. Yeah. I think what you're saying is, very valid and, whether covid had happened or not.
I think as parents we get into that our focus becomes so much about the family and the kids, and are they okay? And it's as though we've turned off our own childlike thinking because we have to be something for all these people around us.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And if you think about, I talked earlier, getting down at the level of your kids and looking at life through their eyes.
That's what we need to do more of. And even if your kids are older, go to the zoo by yourself. I don't know, play hopscotch, jump rope. Do something that you would have done as a kid. Go pick flowers.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: what comes back. What emotions get stirred and I see you smiling. So even just the thought, I think is giving you something I don't know.
Kate Christy: yeah, well I have two little tidbits to share on that. So every year we have assigned family holidays that aren't actually holidays. So then that way everyone kind of gets their own time to go visit this person's house. So my dad's is in March every year. And so my brother, his kids, my kids, we all go up there and I texted my dad and my brother and I was like, Hey, y'all wanna play spotlight when we come up, which is flashlight tag.
it was something we used to do all the time as kids and we had a big yard and fenced in, so it was like, these are the bounds. And we had, this square farmhouse right in the middle. you get on teams and you like run, from one side of the house to the other, be like, they're coming this way, go that way.
And so this was the first time we'd all ever played with our kids too. it was so much fun we were two hours out there and ma my 3-year-old was out there. She ran out the door into the darkness. She was like, let's go. it was one of those things that seems so silly.
And you think about it as an adult, you're like, that's kind of silly. But then my dad, he's 66 years old and he's out there has a black face mask on. He's ready to go leading the pack of,
people. Yeah. So I'm curious, what did that give you, Kate? joy
Sandra Daniele: and what does that open up for you?
Kate Christy: side note, Sandra, I love how you do this. Every time I share something, you're like, let's stick into that. when we went hiking, you were talking about going to the zoo, playing hopscotch. when we went hiking last week, I noticed that because you're out there, there's nothing going on except nature.
I don't listen to music or podcasts or anything like that. I just walk and three different butterflies cross my path and I'm standing there ogling these butterflies. And if I was in my present day scenario, if I was like sitting on the back deck of my house, I would not be in that head space.
Or if I was just like walking around like the path that I walk on. It's like Pulling yourself out of that daily routine or, I don't necessarily wanna say grind, but like stripping away.
Sandra Daniele: It's like the daily days.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: we just are in rote mode. I guarantee you, if you brought some of that freedom that you probably feel when you're hiking to your daily walk, you'd see a whole new, day.
Kate Christy: Yeah. Well, and I would walk listening to music or listening to a podcast because I'm like, oh, I'm gonna Habit Stack. I'm gonna walk and listen to this like self-improvement podcast and whatever. And then it was just like, no, I am so sick of input, input, input that I can't, come up with anything for output.
And so I stopped listening. So it's silent. Anytime I go for a walk, it's silent, or unless I'm walking with a friend, I will allow talking.
Sandra Daniele: Wanna go for a walk. But you can't talk to me. Don't talk to me.
Kate Christy: So that definitely has been a big help for, for me. but to answer your question, what did that feel like?
What did that bring up? And I was walking with my friend this morning talking and the realization that I came to was, I just like, want vibrance. I want to feel alive. I want to be alive. I don't want to just be like cog in the machine going through the motions, doing the things because we have to do them because that's what you do as a human,
carving out that time and that mental energy and being okay with that. I think that's like another part of it too is like giving myself permission to do things that. Are not productive, Or not like making money or not checking things off. This never ending to-do list, I think that that's like something that you combat with when you have small children too, is that your free time feels so finite, so minuscule that it's like, I gotta choose wisely because there's only so much of it.
And you do get into the habit, or I do get into the habit of talking myself out of, well, I shouldn't spend this time doing that thing because I have all these other things that are more pressing that I should be doing. Right? I know you should on yourself, but that instance where going and playing spotlight, I'm going to my dad's for a weekend where literally the assignment. Is to hang out, There's nothing else that can be done while I'm there, other than hang out with family and like hiking. There's nothing else to be done other than walking. And I think those moments in time, I don't feel like I need to give myself that permission to, be goofy, be silly, joyful, right?
It's just like, well, this is what we're here for. there's no alternative. but in, quote unquote everyday life, it's like, there's so many things that I could, should be doing right now. yeah, that was a tangent, but
Sandra Daniele: yeah. That's okay. You talked about free time and it's so finite.
And I think about when I watch little kids at the grocery store with their parents, and their parents seem so annoyed and they're like, they've got the list, or they've got it on their phone and the kids like grapes. You know, they're like, they're so excited about the grapes. Imagine if we let ourselves still be that excited about things.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: And not annoyed. And if we went to the store, something that we have to do and walked the aisles with wonder and awe at all of the food around us and all of the things that we could make and changed our perspective on what it means to go to the store.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: I don't know, the world might be a little bit different.
I remember when my mom passed away and my dad had to start grocery shopping and he called me and he said, there are so many vegetables at the grocery store because he hadn't been in the grocery store for so long. 'cause my mom had done all of that. And it's that sort of awe and wonder
if we could bring that into even the things that we feel we have to do or we do have to do.
Or even, driving to the grocery store. I love to look at all the license plates, or I look for the bumper stickers and. I'm always finding inspiring messages. They're all around us.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: We just have to be open and not in such a rush thinking, I gotta get to the store and I gotta get this done and I gotta do the next thing. And you'd be amazed what shows up for you.
Kate Christy: Yeah. See, like I said, when I was hiking, I was like, what if I just chose to be happy about these things?
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. and that's hard, you know?
I mean, ' cause let's be honest, there's just choosing to be happy. I mean, there's depression, there's a lot of things. There's hormones, sometimes it's not as easy as just choosing to be happy. I think we want it to be that easy. I do think it's. As easy as being open to being happy.
Kate Christy: Talking about grocery store and shopping and food prep, that is currently my kryptonite. with the phases that my children are in, where they all like very few things and all like very different things, and so there's just no joy in cooking and eating for me right now because it feels like such a daunting task.
That it's like, okay, it's dinner time. Let me go make four different entrees for people. Then one of them's gonna complain about it and not want that thing.
Sandra Daniele: And you made that choice to allow them to eat four different entrees. Mm-hmm.
Kate Christy: Yeah. So laying in the bed that I made. but now we have a new rule where if you don't like what's being made, you can make yourself a bowl of cereal or a peanut butter and jelly.
So that's been a new, installment. And then also, back to what we were talking about earlier is before I would've made something else for them. And I'm like, no, I'm pretty sure they can do that.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah. You know, it's interesting 'cause granted I only have one child this is what's for dinner.
Mm-hmm. I mean, it's you and me and this is what we're eating. And. People have always said, oh my gosh, he has such an expansive palate. Yeah. Because this is it you eat or you don't. Mm-hmm. I seen and I know that doesn't work for everybody. And there's food allergies and, some of this is very real.
And I also think we kind of create our own frustrations and overwhelm and scattered feelings.
Kate Christy: a lot of that in my life stems from doing what is easy right now, not doing what is gonna make it easy later. like front loading the, difficult stuff I guess. but I think that also can be a result of we just gotta get through it.
We just gotta get through it. Like, being in that Sure phase, like being in that mindset Well you heard it here, folks. My children are gonna be eating the same thing from here on out or not.
Sandra Daniele: I think sometimes, oh God, could I have been a little more gentle?
but that's what I had to do.
Kate Christy: Yeah. Or for
Sandra Daniele: me, for our world,
Kate Christy: Kane had very, food texture aversion. Like he would gag and make himself throw up when trying new foods. And this is like choosing the path of least resistance, right? Where I'm like, well, I don't wanna clean up vomit right before I'm about to eat dinner.
Yeah. No. So I'm gonna make him something that he'll eat.
Sandra Daniele: Well, that's the thing, right? I mean, everybody's different and that's why I don't know why we think we can give advice to other people because we don't know what other people are going through. We haven't walked in their shoes.
We haven't experienced their world, their realities.
Kate Christy: I was just having a conversation with someone yesterday around this concept of, oh, it was like uncoupling when Gwyneth Paltrow and, Her ex-husband, Chris Martin.
This was a long time ago, but they, separated. They were married, had kids, they separated, but they, were doing this thing called conscious uncoupling. And the conversation I was having around this, the person I was talking to, they were like, when I saw that, I was like, that's crazy. That's bullshit.
And then this person is finding themselves in that situation and they're like, well, I guess we just shouldn't judge people. But yeah, I think that you can give advice and you can ask for advice but something that I kind of footnote on any advice that I give is if you want this advice, I'm gonna give it to you.
But also, especially with parenting, it's like. This is what I did, this is what worked for me, or this is the advice you're asking for. But if it doesn't feel good, if it doesn't feel right, it's not for you. Put it down. because being a parent, especially like first time parent and you're doing this thing because you read it somewhere or someone told you this is what you should do and it feels wrong and you're still doing it and you're like, something's wrong with me.
I never wanna put that on someone else. Like I never want to make someone feel that way. Not that that's my responsibility, but I remember being there and like following someone's advice to a T and just beating my head up against a wall and I was like, something's wrong with me, something's wrong with my baby.
But it's like, this just doesn't work for us. That's it. It doesn't mean that we're doing it wrong. It means that this isn't the right fit for us.
Sandra Daniele: you have to trust yourself. think of all those parents that followed Dr. Spock. Right. And I mean, I think that was bad advice.
be careful who you're listening to and intuitively we know what's best for us, what's best for our family. Mm-hmm. Even when we're thinking we don't have any idea, we know.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: Because we're in it.
Kate Christy: Yeah. And like you were saying earlier, where you, come to a friend or a family member and you're like, just looking for a little bit of permission or someone to just co-sign on what you really want.
And it's like, we know.
Sandra Daniele: and that's the thing. And that's why, Advice doesn't work and people don't really want advice.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: They might think they do, but in reality they just want permission.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm.
Sandra Daniele: Or a place to feel safe enough to say what they're really thinking.
Kate Christy: Yeah. With the people in my life who are closest to me, we have the agreement of like, what do you want?
Do you want me to give you advice? Do you want me to bitch and moan with you? what do you do? You want me to co-sign? What do you want from this exchange? And that has made such a difference in like reducing friction, especially in my marriage, reducing friction because Sure. You know, the husband swoops in, he is like, let's fix this.
Yeah. And I'm like very noble of you, but that's not what we're trying to do here.
Sandra Daniele: Yeah, absolutely.
Kate Christy: so we have a few minutes left and I would love to, ask you
what's a piece of advice that you would give yourself prior to taking the leap going into business for yourself? Now that you're on the other side, you've gone through it. Like what's something you would tell that version of Sandra?
Sandra Daniele: Do it sooner. Do it. Seriously do it sooner.
Whatcha waiting around for? Being scared. just do it.
Kate Christy: Mm-hmm. Okay. Do it sooner. Do it scared,
Sandra Daniele: do it scared, do it sooner. Just do it.
Kate Christy: okay, going a little bit further back to you deciding to break your marriage, go on your own, what's some advice you would give that version of Sandra? Do
Sandra Daniele: it.
and I'm not joking. I mean, I should have left sooner. I never should have gotten married, right? Mm-hmm. So I think really the advice, for both of those questions, it comes down to trust. It comes down to believing enough in myself. So I've made a lot of decisions out of fear instead of with faith.
Kate Christy: Yeah, that's a big one.
Is there any parting words or wisdom that you'd like to leave the listeners with?
Sandra Daniele: Yeah, so I guess take anything I say or have said with a grain of salt, I think what I've learned as I have traveled this path called life is that. It's never gonna look the way we think it should. And
our choices lead us to the path we're going to take and we can always choose again. So nothing is forever.
Kate Christy: I love that.
I could talk to you for hours and hours, but I must let, you go. I must get back to work. is there anything that you wanna share with the listeners where to find you? Anything up your sleeve? this is your moment to plug anything you want to
Sandra Daniele: Hmm. Yeah. So. I think if there's anybody out there that felt aligned with what I've said or where I've come from and they're curious about coaching, reach out to Kate.
Honestly, you know, I'd say, oh, go to my website, and Kate did a beautiful job and I haven't kept it up and, I don't need to plug anything. I just, I'm grateful that we had this time together. I'm grateful that anybody that's listened is still listening and I think if you feel called, you'll find me.
Kate Christy: I love that.
Sandra Daniele: Thank you, Sandra. Thank you, Kate.