039 | The Family Business with Monica Bailey Artwork

Raising Kids & Running a Business

On Raising Kids & Running a Business host Kate Christy (designer + mom x3) talks with other mothers all about what it’s like to manage the mental load of motherhood while building a career and quite frankly how they’re keeping both the creativity and the kids alive. We have honest conversations about what we’re doing (or not doing) to chase our dreams, the lessons we’ve learned, sacrifices made, and permission slips we’re writing to pursue our version of success.And real talk. Moms get sh*t done. Which is why we’re also talking tools and mindset shifts we use to flip the script from overwhelmed and overworked to creating our own version of work/life balance. Whether you’re an entrepreneur running your own business or kicking it in corporate from 9-5. Inside these episodes you’ll find the whole truth—not just the highlight reel—about what it’s really like amidst the chaos of raising kids and building a career.

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Raising Kids & Running a Business

039 | The Family Business with Monica Bailey

April 23, 2025 • Kate Christy • Season 1 • Episode 39

In this powerhouse episode, Kate sits down with Monica Bailey — co-owner of Epic Dental and mother of three — for an incredibly honest and insightful conversation about what it really looks like to build a business while raising a family. Monica opens up about the identity shifts of motherhood, the silent epidemic of mom burnout, and the surprising truth about cavity prevention that Big Oral doesn’t want you to know.

She shares her personal journey from pre-med to product-based entrepreneurship, how she and her husband found their rhythm as co-founders, and the systems she uses to make life (and business) run smoother. Whether it’s a 90-day dinner rotation, personal assistants folding laundry, or a mindset shift that changed everything, Monica gives listeners real-life tools they can use right now.

This episode is a must-listen for any parent balancing ambition with caregiving, and for every entrepreneur craving both impact and sanity.

Highlights

Starting from Chaos: Monica shares how she stepped into her husband’s growing business and brought structure to the madness.
Family-Run, Mission-Driven: Running Epic Dental with her husband while raising three kids — and why cavity prevention became their cause.
Building the Business Backwards: How a pre-med path and a startup job led Monica to discover her integrator superpower.
Mom Guilt and Milestones: Monica recounts the emotional moment of watching her son’s first steps over FaceTime — and how she reframed what being present means.
Systems Over Stress: From 90-day meal plans to morning checklists, Monica’s low-lift routines eliminate decision fatigue.
Redefining Productivity: Shifting from 8-hour hustle to high-impact workdays that preserve mental energy and clarity.
Outsourcing Without Guilt: Choosing help at home and in business — and learning to protect what matters most.
Burnout Recovery: Monica’s path out of chronic burnout and the overlooked types of rest that transformed her energy.
Identity After Motherhood: The emotional journey of shedding the old self, embracing growth, and finding peace in a new version of “you.”
Parenting With Purpose: Why Monica and her husband hold family planning meetings and build their household around intentional values.

Mentioned in the episode:

Connect with Monica Bailey online:

Connect with Kate Christy:

Note: We use AI transcription so there may be some inaccuracies

Kate Christy: Hello, Monica. Welcome to the podcast. Thanks for having me. I'm so excited to chat with you today. One, because this is a product based business chat. A lot of the moms that I've been chatting with up until now have been service based. So I'm really excited to kind of get into the nitty gritty of what goes into that world of building a product based business.

but before we get into it, I would really love for you to take a moment just to introduce yourself to us. Give us the, Backstory, the facts, who you are, what you do, how many kids you have, all that good stuff.

Monica Bailey: Yeah. So my name is Monica Bailey. I'm based out of Salt Lake city, Utah. I've been an entrepreneur for about eight years now.

My husband and I actually run the business as a duo. So that's been really fun. he was the original founder was totally drowning. I came in and kind of brought order to the madness. And so I run all the day to day, you know, with the team and making sure we're executing on the things we care about. And he kind of hides in his corner and works on what he wants to work on.

so it's been really fun to be partners, not only in life, but also in business as well. we've got three kids. Our oldest, son is 10. We've got another son that is almost eight and a daughter that's six. so life is very, very busy for us, but it's, great.

Kate Christy: Yeah, I have a 10 year old, a 7 year old, and a 3 year old.

So we're kind of on the same wavelength, but I still have a little bit more chaos at the bottom of the list. Yes. Right. I think that's so funny that you said, I come in and I bring order to it. that's such a mom move, right? It's like, Let's get all these ducks in a row. tell me a little bit about what would you and your husband do for your business?

Monica Bailey: Yeah, so we own a dental products company. it's a multi million dollar company here in Salt Lake City and really our mission is about cavity prevention because so many people out there have heard that same line of like brush and floss and don't eat sugar. And that is failing people. It's been failing people for decades.

We know more about cavities than we ever have before, but we have more cavities in the U. S. than we ever have before. and there's actually a very easy solution when you understand the science and the chemistry, what's happening behind cavities. You can Absolutely prevent cavities. You can stop that cycle from going through your family, but people just don't have the education because big oral does not make money off of people understanding how to prevent cavities.

and so it's, really very simple. So it's, gum, toothpaste, mints, mouthwash, all these products that you're already using, but with this other ingredient called xylitol integrated in, what xylitol does is it actually kills cavity causing bacteria called strep mutans because they, gobble up the food particles in your mouth and they produce acid as a byproduct and cavities are always an acid problem, either from acidic foods and drinks, like if you're a sour candy person or you're always sipping on coffee all day long, that can give you an acidic problem in your mouth.

But for most people that really struggle with cavities, it comes back down to the bacteria. And if you have these bad strains of bacteria, you're always going to struggle with cavities.

Kate Christy: That's so funny. the last couple of times we've been to the dentist for my two oldest, who are boys, they have the same lifestyle.

They eat the same foods but their oral makeup is so different from each other. So one of them we struggle with problems with it. And the other one. Totally fine. Like, I'm asking the dentist. I'm like, why is this? they eat the same. They have the same, oral hygiene.

wait, he's like, it's just the chemistry, like, the makeup in their mouth. it's just different. And this one child that you're having problems with, like, It's acid. And I was like, what? my mind was totally blown because I'm like, I'm, taking care of them the same. I don't get it.

Monica Bailey: Well, and then you feel like you're failing as a mom and it's hard to fight the brushing battles. They don't want to do it. It's hard to be thorough. And so when you understand what levers you can pull to make a big difference and what things you can kind of relax on, I just feel like it's so much easier to manage.

As a parent, and you said, you can have two kids with the same habits, the same parenting and have a very, very different outcome. And so when you figure out, okay, how do I change what's happening in their mouth really easily and get them, xylitol gum or mints regularly, then you don't have to fight this whole battle and stress about it and worry about what answer you're going to get from the dentist.

and I think most dentists. they understand this. They learn about this in dental school, but they're not incentivized to teach this to their patients. They're just trying to keep up with the load of people coming through their door, and they have no time for education. And so that's really kind of what we've committed ourselves to, is providing free education so people can take control of their oral health.

And then we provide the tools, and then the dentists absolutely love it, because they can't take on that battle alone.

Kate Christy: Yeah, well, and you think about how busy. Doctor's office, dentist's office, across the board are, they don't want to participate, they don't want to educate, they're just totally strapped for time, and everyone's just kind of get them in, get them out, let's get through the day, people.

Yeah. Um, so that's awesome that you all have, created this platform, and I'm like, Right now I'm about to go devour it after we get off this call. So is this something that you and your husband fell into naturally? Like was he a dentist first and then went this way? Or you all were like, there's this hole in the marketplace.

Like, let's get it.

Monica Bailey: Yeah. So he's just a natural entrepreneur, like visionary kind of mindset. and so he's just always coming up with ideas and he was doing, financial consulting for a while. It decided he wanted to move back to Utah, figure out how to start a business. And then he was doing some consulting for a friend of his, whose dad came up with a xylitol nasal spray, and I think his dad was a physician.

created this nasal spray to help with sinus infections was the purpose. and when he was helping them put together a business plan, he really dove into the research and there is a huge body of scientific literature on the efficacy of xylitol for preventing cavities. So if you go to like the Netherlands or if you go to Korea, they are widely using xylitol.

To manage their oral health and to prevent cavities, and he's like, why are we not doing this here? And as he dug into it more, what he found was, Xylitol is actually quite an expensive ingredient. And so the big oral companies, they can get by with cheap ingredients and the same old solutions that don't work because they dominate the shelves at your target, and that's all people think they have to choose from, and they can get away with that.

They've done it for decades. and so he was really the one to kind of get the Xylitol market going in the U. S. 20 years ago and has been slowly ramping that because, big oral care doesn't benefit if you're using the right solutions to prevent cavities, they can still sell you the same old garbage that they've always done.

Kate Christy: Right. let's make money off of this thing that, treats the symptoms, so to speak, right? Not necessarily the root cause. Which, you know, as a mom, that was something you walk into Target, you walk into Walmart, CVS, drugstore, whatever, right? And you're looking at all these things, and you're trying to make these decisions best for your child, best for your family.

And you're thinking like these things like, oh, FDA approved or scientifically, proven or pediatrician, stamp of approval, all this stuff. And you kind of just by default start to trust these things when the reality is, Mostly another motive to include it in all of this.

so I think that that's something as a parent That's such a learning curve when it comes to all of these things that you're introduced to for the first time like when you have kids So I think that's absolutely amazing that you all are like We're fighting the good fight out here for everyone's teeth because,

Monica Bailey: well, because I think when you realize like cavities are optional, it does not have to be part of your family story, but people have heard these old wives tales for years, like sugar causes cavities, that's actually completely false.

your genetics, like you might just have. a genetic history of cavities. That's actually completely false. So if you, talk to a dentist or a hygienist, they understand what's going on, but your average American has no clue what's going on. And it's actually really simple. And I think, some dental professionals want to overcomplicate it because they've spent all this time on their education and schooling, and then they want to get into all The nitty gritty details. But I feel like the average person just needs a simple explanation of if you control acid and you control the bad bacteria, then you're not going to have cavities. it's so simply done with Xylitol and people just need to have real information about their health, but we're bombarded with information from every direction and much of it's fault.

It's so hard to tell as a parent, what should I actually be doing? And you've got to do that in 200 different categories. It's completely overwhelming as a new parent.

Kate Christy: Yeah, and you think a lot of things, it does boil down to there's a simple solution, right? You think about the health industry as a whole,

There is there's so many gadgets and gizmos and plans and things that you can do for mental health, physical health, et cetera, right? When it really kind of does boil down to. Eating well, taking care of yourself, getting good sleep, drinking water, Like moving your body. people are making money hand over fist selling, gadgets and gizmos and plans and ideas and things like that.

okay, let's back up a little bit. So you all are 20 plus years into this industry, into this business. So has this been your entire entrepreneurial journey? Or was there anything that you were, in before that You were going down on a certain path for yourself and then you kind of got pulled over into this because your husband started it.

Monica Bailey: Yeah, I mean, for me, really, the plan for years was medical school, so I had gone through, most of my undergrad was basically the point where I was getting ready to start prepping for the MCAT and was just really grappling with, like, okay, I know what kind of life I want to have, what kind of family I want to have, what kind of career I want to have, but how do I reconcile this and make this all play really nicely?

together because with medicine, it's incredibly challenging. And it's almost like indentured servitude where they control your time. You don't have a lot of choice in what's going on. You have so much debt by the time you're out. I feel like it's just such a difficult position that they put women, especially in that are also wanting to be mothers.

And I really struggled with, okay, how do I have the kind of life and family that I really want to have? especially as someone that grew up not in an ideal family. I had this vision for what I wanted and I could not get it to all kind of fit together. So I decided to kind of take, a gap year and just sort of figure out like, okay, what else is out there?

What do I want to do? and I ended up, taking a job for a small startup in Utah where it was like a powder for athletes and they, needed someone to kind of run. And be the operator of this business because they had a visionary who was very passionate about the product, but he was very chaotic, you know, couldn't really get anything to the finish line and they needed someone to actually run the business.

Well, and so I got approached by some people that knew me and said, Hey, we think you'd be great at this. I had never had any business experience before. I had actually only worked in hospitals since I was a teenager. and so it was a huge. Switch for me. But I kind of said, Hey, this is a year of experimentation.

I'm going to try this out. See what I think. And it was a natural fit right away. had no idea that I had specific gifts and talents that were ideally suited for running and operating a business. because I think when you're growing up as a kid, you hear like, Doctor, firefighter, lawyer, you hear the same 10 jobs over and over again.

And you don't really have an idea of what else is out there. I didn't have any entrepreneurs or business people in my family. so it was getting exposed to this whole new world. And I had no idea that my skills could translate so, so nicely. so I did that, For a time. and then we decided to have our first baby.

I got pregnant with Bennett. and then I tried to stay at home mom thing for about a year to say, okay, maybe I can figure out how to love this. really tried. but for me, it was very much a struggle. I think for some women, it fits very naturally for me. I had a really, really hard time. It felt hard to feel like I was getting anything done.

cause especially with our kids, they tended to be very. attached to us. And so if I was trying to take laundry from one room to the next, the baby would cry. It was very stressful. and so I just felt like I couldn't get anything done. I wasn't using my head. I just felt like stagnant and didn't like how that was going.

And so I kind of grappled with that for a while and tried to figure out, okay, how can I Use my natural gifts and talents, but still show up as a great mom. there's gotta be a way to kind of balance those two that I just hadn't found. And so I was on this journey for quite a while trying to figure that out.

it changed in the strangest way where my husband read a book called traction, you've probably heard of it. And so it's the idea where you've got this founder, this visionary personality, that has all these great ideas, but they can't really. Make the train go anywhere because either have the shiny object syndrome.

They're always distracted by the next thing. and so he read this book and was like, okay, this book is describing what I need. And that person is you, I need an integrator in the business. This describes you to a tee. This is what you did for this other company, before you paused and tried to stay at home mom thing.

And he's like, this is exactly what you're suited to do. So I read the book. And it was this funny moment where I was like, yes, this is all the obvious stuff I've been telling you for years that you should be doing in your business, but he wasn't listening to me. And then he read this book and he was suddenly like, Oh, I'm more open minded.

I can suddenly listen to you with all these ideas. So, we talked about it and kind of figured out how we would do that. And I jump on board with the business and there's been no looking back since then. So I came and restructured everything and made him nervous for a while, but now it's.

amazing.

Kate Christy: that's so funny. My husband jokes all the time. He's like, if someone else tells you this, the same exact thing that I'm telling you, but it's come from someone else. You're like, that's an amazing idea, right? And I'm like, well, maybe their delivery was just, I don't know, nicer, or it made more sense the way they said it,

Monica Bailey: Well, and it's So funny how sometimes people think, Oh, you can't possibly understand my business because you're not working in every day or you're not from this industry. And I think what people discount is that business is business and it doesn't matter what kind of business you're in, what industry you're in.

like 99 percent of it translates really, really easily. And so I think even sometimes as entrepreneurs, we're reluctant to take advice or good ideas from people around us because we want to dismiss it like, Oh, you, don't know how hard it is or you don't understand my industry when the concepts and principles are the same.

Kate Christy: how amazing that your superpower is to take these ideas and these dreams of these entrepreneurs and to be like, okay, let's organize it. Let's streamline it. Let's get this ships sailing smoothly. Like that's a superpower. And a lot of times people starting their own businesses, right?

Especially creative. Brand and web designer. And so my network's a lot of creative folks we started business because we like doing the thing that we like doing, which is making the thing, designing the thing. But then there's that whole other business aspect. That's like, okay, how do we do that?

Monica Bailey: When I think you're exactly right. Most people that are starting a business, they like the work that the business provides, but they don't necessarily like running a business. And so if you can find a partner to pair with that loves the running of a business and then you do the part that you really enjoy, feel like there is something to be said for working in your zone of genius and pairing with people that have a completely different skill set or set of gifts.

Because otherwise it becomes miserable. It's like that golden handcuffs, like you can't walk away from the business but you don't enjoy running it. Like if that's you, then find someone who loves the parts that you hate. Because it's, a team effort.

Kate Christy: yeah. And I think like in my design business that, immediate I need help was, oh, I need someone else to design stuff.

I'm like, no, pump the brain. I don't want to. Why is that the first instinct? I don't know. I guess that's because that feels like the thing that this is what we have so much of to do, Like if you, put it in on a T chart, right? It's like admin stuff is, you know, 25 percent and then the design works the other 75%, but it's like, no, I want someone to do the 25.

percent of the admin work over here and that'll give me more time to do the stuff that I actually want to do. I think that's beautiful that you all are in this together and that your strengths align so well. Now all of this sounds beautiful, but I know having three children, being married, running a business together, like it can all be Sunshine all the time, so like, so how do you all, make it work and create enough space and room for each of you all to step into your strengths, but also to, breathe, to make mistakes, to, keep things moving forward smoothly.

Monica Bailey: Yeah. I mean, it's, so hard. And I think for me, it was hardest when my kids were a little bit smaller, because you feel the mom guilt of being away and worrying, like, am I balancing it the right way? Like, there's so much second guessing that happens. and so when they were small, it was really difficult.

Like my second son, he'd been trying to figure out how to walk for ages. and he was so funny about it. Like he didn't want to practice walking. He wanted to do it perfectly. And so if he couldn't do it right away, he would just sit down and that's just kind of matches his personality.

But he'd been kind of like on the brink of that. We were waiting for it to happen. He seemed like he was so ready. And then I was in a marketing meeting, with my marketing team and got a call from my nanny who didn't, usually call. So I'm like, okay, let me answer and just make sure everyone's okay.

So I stopped, the entire meeting. And she was like, I wanted to show you that Davis is trying to walk. And so I'm watching like via video. And so there's the part of that where you're like, okay, it's gut wrenching. Cause you're like, I want to be there. But the other half of you saying, okay, how blessed am I that I'm able to be in a situation where this business provides for our family, they're able to have that one on one care with the nanny and be in our home where they feel safe.

And she's someone we really trust, and she's able to call us, and I can have the luxury of making the entire business stop so I can watch my child walk. And so I think so much of it is how you choose to frame all of those things, because I think if you let the mom guilt run everything, it's, easy to find stuff.

Something to say that you're doing wrong. And so, for me, it was all about, okay, what are those priorities? And so, if a meeting has to stop so I can be present for that moment, everyone's going to sit there and wait while I pay them to sit there so that I can watch that moment. or, if my kids have something going on at school, school.

It's like office schedule is going to revolve around that. And so I think there's something really beautiful about being, a family owned business or an entrepreneur that gives you the freedom to be able to be there at those moments where normally you would have to ask for a time off or you would have to figure out how to make that happen or miss things.

And so it gives you a lot of incredible, blessings to be able to flex and be there when it really matters. Or if my kids are sick, I can take the day off. and so it's really about focusing on, okay, where can we use this to our advantage instead of just focusing on? Is it not enough? Is it not enough?

we try really hard to be very intentional parents. We tried and say, okay, we're going to stop work talk at this time. Just focus on being present with our kids. we try and include our kids in the business. And so that gets very messy as well because they're kids, they don't do adult level work, but they love to come see what we're doing, be a part of it, help shred papers.

And so being okay with it being kind of messy, but inviting your kids into what you're doing so they can learn and see what does your life look like? I feel like there's something really amazing. In that and so you're already doing a very nontraditional path as an entrepreneur, especially if you're also a parent, but really embracing that and saying, How can we take the nontraditional and making it a powerful thing in our lives instead of just saying, Oh, it should look like everybody else because it's never going to.

Kate Christy: Yeah, I think the thing about mom guilt that we can ignore is that it's all self inflicted, right? Like, we're making these ideas up in our head and we're, the ones who are putting the pressure on ourselves. Like, it's, nine times out of ten it's internal and not external. And I think that's so beautiful that you're like, we can create

however we want it to be. We can set up a life that works, a life and a business that work together, that work semiotically. that's why a lot of us go into entrepreneurship too, where it's like, okay, I want to be able to make the rules. I want to be able to, Make myself available when I need to be available and, kind of having your cake and eating it too.

but then sometimes if we're not careful, we can overwork or, you know, forget to shut down or step away or give ourselves the space. do you all, being a husband and wife team, I know you have other team members too, like you're running a, sizable business, but being a husband and wife team, do you find it difficult?

was that hard to shut off work in the early stages or has it always been like these are our rules and we're sticking to them and we're going to have a hard, stop with we're in mom and dad mode now, we're not in work mode anymore, or are you all like snuggled under the covers like, hey, I have an idea.

Monica Bailey: And my husband's the kind of person where he could talk business 24 7. would never get sick of it. It would never bother him. And so if we're talking business on a date night or at a family dinner, like, it's never gonna bother him. But for me, after a while, I found it really mentally taxing to not be able to shut that off.

for a time. and so I really had to kind of say, okay, this is a boundary that I need that, you know, after 5 p. m. we're just in home mode and unless there is a crisis or something that needs to happen, my team is always still texting me. They have stuff they need, but anything we can set aside, we're just going to get out of that mode and into what needs to happen at home.

and then same thing when we're at the office trying to focus on what needs to happen there. And it took a while. for him to kind of come around and I would have to remind him because, we'd be going to sleep and he'd be like, Oh, here's this thing that we need to do tomorrow and then I can't fall asleep because I'm all like my stress is rising and I can't relax and go to bed.

And so I've had to be very intentional about that. and kind of push beyond his comfort zone and say, I really need a place to rest my head so I can come in with a fresh head and fully engaged tomorrow. Because if you're on all the time, you can't perform at the same level. and so took a little while, but I feel like we're at that place now where that, separation is really there.

And he knows if he thinks of something at two in the morning, when he wakes up, send me an email and I'll look at it tomorrow instead of telling me right then and there. so yeah, I feel like that has helped. Immensely to have kind of that gap. And I really like to use, the drive as sort of a transition time for me.

So when I'm driving into the office, you know, we only have 15 to 18 minute Camille, but when I'm driving in, it's like, okay, let me get my head into office mode. Like, are there calls I need to return? Do I need to call my assistant? Get her working on some things I'm going to need during the day. I use that drive to kind of transition into office mode.

And then same thing on the way home, you know, when I'm driving home, we're going to pick up the kids from school. I'm making those calls of like, okay, do I need to let the school know about anything? Do I need to tell my personal assistant to schedule a doctor's appointment? what are the things that need to happen there?

And for me, that was really useful to have a way to sort of close out one chapter and open up the next was using those drives to say, okay, now I'm going to start. Delegating and, and figuring out what needs to happen for that next one.

Kate Christy: Yeah. I think that's so funny. Like your husband, he was the visionary of the business and he's the one with the 2 a.

m. thoughts and you're like the integrator. You're like, okay, it's a hard stop.

Monica Bailey: Right. Exactly. I know he's like boundaryless and I'm like miss boundaries. So yeah.

Kate Christy: That's perfect. Balance, right? Balancing each other out, playing to your strengths. so, give us a little peek behind the curtain, behind the scenes, at home, with three small children.

Both mom and dad are building this business. Logistically, how did you all make it work? You said, uh, nanny earlier. So, that's one of the things that we talk a lot about on this podcast is child care, how we make it work, and I think hearing other people's. Stories and like their solutions that they've come to, gives people ideas for what they might be able to do for themselves, but also maybe gives them that permission to be like, you know what, I really have been thinking about bringing some childcare on and now I'm going to do it.

Monica Bailey: Yeah. So for me, starting with the nanny was a little bit nerve wracking, but it was one of the best things that we did because for them to be able to be at home where they feel safe and have that individual care was really, really great because With my kids personalities, they're not super extroverted.

So throwing them into like a busy daycare or something like that just did not feel super comfortable for me. So it really started with someone that was sort of like a part time nanny. And then we ramped it up from there. It hit a time for a couple of years where it was a full time. nanny situation because we had kids that were in preschool.

Kids were in early elementary school and then a child at home. And so we're trying to juggle three completely different schedules with all of the kids. one of the things that we have always done is we have wanted to be the people that are dropping our kids off at school and picking them up. There's only a very rare occasion, like we're out of town or something like that, where we've had a nanny do the pickup, because for me, I really want to be able to see, is my child comfortable going into school?

Do they feel safe there? How do they seem at the end of the day when I'm picking them up? Like, am I seeing signs of stress? I want to be very tuned into all of that and not have it come third hand. And so we for years had kind of a rotating schedule of which days I would do, which days Donald would do.

and that was a really big switch for him to go from, a man who's working like 40 to 60 hours, no problem. And then me saying no, you will help with this responsibility. there was some friction there for a while. because he's thinking, Oh, well, aren't you the mom, aren't you going to absorb this?

And so I had to have a lot of tough conversations where it's like, no, we're parenting together. These are your kids too. You're going to help with, the load of all of this, because I can't, run the business, do everything that's needed at home, do everything with the kids. Plus they need to have that, bond with their dad just as much as they need that for me.

And so there was a lot of tests and different things to kind of find what worked, but it was really a combination of, starting to integrate a nanny. Part time moving up to full time and then we hit a place where we're like, okay, we really don't need that anymore because once all of our kids were in school, it just didn't feel necessary.

So then it shifted from instead of having a nanny having a personal assistant. we've also had cleaners to help around the house. And so it really comes down to. don't know how to show up enough at work, or I don't know how to show up for my kids. Outsource the things that are not going to matter, because it doesn't matter if I'm the one folding my kids laundry or if it's my personal assistant that's folding my kids laundry. That's not going to matter. But if I'm able to be there and be present and have quality time with them and teach my kids the principles that I want them to understand, I can't outsource that to someone else.

And so finding out what are the things that are going to be the least impactful as far as. The relationship goes, but high impact with time. That's really how we made a lot of those calculations. And so it was a no brainer to be like, someone else can do the grocery shopping and I can train them how to get exactly, how I like things and put them away exactly how I like them.

Someone else can do the cleaning. And so all of those people they are giving you that gift of time to focus on the stuff that you cannot outsource to anyone else in your family because it matters too much.

Kate Christy: Mm hmm. Yeah, I love that. And I think as women, if you're raised in that environment where your mom or a maternal figure is making sure everything's just so right, making sure the meals are just so making sure the house is just so making sure all of that stuff is taken care of.

We kind Adopt or inherit that trait of like, oh, well, I have to be the one Making the meals for the kids or I have to be the one taking care of all the cleaning and the cooking and all this stuff and You kind of have a little mental battle with that at first when you're thinking about offloading or outsourcing something like that You're like, oh no I'm made to do these things, right?

but I don't want to do those things.

Monica Bailey: Right? Well, and you feel like you're supposed to be able to do it all because there's someone out there on the internet that makes it look so effortless. When you're like, okay, how am I going to show up as my best self as a mom and in the business if I'm completely exhausted and burned out?

And I resist it. it for a good couple of years. I was like, no, I can figure out how to do it. And I'd be, up working on laundry or cleaning or meal prep until 10 at night. And it took a lot of encouragement for my husband to be like, it's not worth it. there is no reason this has to be you.

and it's really hard to let go of because we feel like if we get help from other people. We're failing, or we're supposed to be able to do it all because so and so does that, and one of the things that I found as our business has grown and progressed is that it's all about making strategic decisions for where you are saving your energy and where you're investing your energy.

And just because you can do it doesn't mean you should do it. And just because you can fit it in or you have the time to do it. It doesn't make sense for you to always do that. And so I think for a while we felt very constrained, early on you feel constrained with dollars. And then you hit a point where maybe that's not the issue anymore.

And you feel very constrained with time. and even trying to onboard a team member and train them what to do feels like, okay, that's stretching too much time. How are we going to make that happen? And you get through that and you hit a point, along your entrepreneurial journey where You're like, okay, the constraint really is energy, especially mental energy.

Like I might have the physical energy, I might have the time, but really conserving that energy to make a couple of really high level, high impact decisions in a day, instead of trying to fit in, 2000 microscopic decisions that maybe don't matter. And so that was a big shift for me to kind of move from era to era and let go of how I was doing it before, because you get accustomed to this is my routine and this is how I do everything.

But realizing the wisdom of, okay, there's a new constraint and I am better off if I do less in the business and delegate my team to do that instead of being like, no, I can figure out how to do it. It's better off to delegate to great team members, or it's better to delegate to people in your home that can help with with things you need.

and so I really was kind of transitioning throughout time where it might work great for two or three years. And then you hit that new phase where you're like, I have to rework this and do this completely differently. So now I probably have the most relaxed schedule that I've ever had work wise, because I'm making.

Um, I have to make sure my mind is really, really sharp with those. And so I have to say no to all kinds of things or delegate things, even though I technically have the time to be able to perform at that level. if that makes any sense.

Kate Christy: No, a hundred percent. I think the mental load of decision making across the board is huge, right?

Just from running a household, having children, running a business, all of that stuff. And if you can. Delicate decision making on stuff too is such a gift because that's the stuff that can wear you down that you can get caught up in and ruminate on and then you realize you're like, well, why, why am I so tuckered out right now?

And it's all because I only made a thousand different decisions today and I didn't necessarily need to. I love hearing how you're running life in that perspective. It's so refreshing and Hopeful. Okay.

Monica Bailey: Well, and I think one thing that's interesting is if, someone listening is at a phase where maybe they don't have the budget to hire out as much help as they want.

And they're trying to figure out how can I hack this? There's a couple of things that worked really nicely for me along the way. So one of those is you can find, like a teen or tween, That lives in your area where you know the family, you feel comfortable with them and you can pay them much less than you would pay for like a nanny salary, have them come over while you're working from home and the kids love it because they have someone to give them undivided attention and play time for three hours and you just pack in as much as you can during that time and then send them on their way.

So that's really cost effective way to get some help where you can just focus in and get a bunch done. the other thing you can do is you can So if you are a mom, you have to be a mom. You have to set up systems to do the work for you, where basically it's like your future self delegating work to your past self.

So what I mean by that is I love cooking and baking, but I hate meal planning and I hate being the one to decide what's for dinner. And I don't know why that always falls on the mom to decide what is for dinner and you have to please everyone. And It just felt so frustrating.

And the last thing I wanted to do at the end of the day. So what I did was I took, an hour or two on a Saturday and I came up with a list of like, what are 25 meals for dinner that I know my family likes, and I plugged them into a rotation where I do 90 day rotations. So you've got 13 weeks and 90 days and every week it's like, here's the meal plan.

And so, you know, exactly what you're going to eat for dinner. And so I spent two hours one time and I've never had to make a decision of what are we eating for dinner? For the last couple of years, because has enough variety. You don't have to revisit it, but like you do that for two hours once. And then you never have to be looking through the fridge being like, what can we make?

What are we going to do? You just already know what that is. And then same thing. You can make grocery lists that pair with that week and you do that one time. You never have to do it again. And so I think it's so hard to do when you're drowning in your. feeling the weight of everything. But if you think about what is the task that is exhausting me the most that I would love to just magic away, but I can't, and how do you build a system where you never have to make a decision around that ever again, or same thing with my kids, like getting them ready for school and out the door, that was such a stressful thing.

Cause I don't want to be the mom. That's nagging and being like, get your shoes on, get in the car. that didn't feel good to me. It didn't feel good to my kids. So I spent one Saturday and just made a little checklist in Canva. I'm not artsy. It's not fancy. It's just like a simple template.

I modified it in Canva where it's like a morning checklist. And then they have an afterschool checklist and they know if you want to play with friends or have screen time, your morning checklist has to be done. And then you can do whatever you want until it's time to go to school. And same in the afternoon when this checklist is done, now you can go do whatever you want to do that's fun for you.

And like you make those decisions one time. And as long as you stick with that and you don't just bail on the system, as soon as you're tired, then you don't have to make any decisions. You don't have to fight that fight. It just kind of flows more easily. And so finding ways to create routines and systems to be a personal assistant for you costs you nothing.

It's just the time investment.

Kate Christy: Yeah, I love that making meal planning and coming up with all that. That is the bane of my existence also. And we're in the phase of life with. Kids where they all don't eat the same thing. They're the worst. Yes. And so it's like, okay, let me get ready to plan. Not one, not two, but three meals for two.

Monica Bailey: And then you still haven't eaten yourself by the time you're done with all of it. Yeah.

Kate Christy: Sometimes I will make my own dinner first and I will sit down and I will eat it at 430 and then I will feed my family.

Monica Bailey: Right. And I really feel like I had a friend tell me this years ago and I didn't quite believe her until I lived it myself.

But when your youngest child is around five, six years old, there's a light at the end of the tunnel. It is completely different. And I felt like we were in the early stages of parenthood. Where everything is so hard and you're making five different dinners because no one likes the same thing and just everything has so much resistance and exhaustion attached to it.

but then it's like when your youngest hits that age, it gets to be so much more fun because they can help with stuff. When you're prepping dinner, they can help set the table. they're just so much fun to be around because everything is not Managing the stuff that you have to do for really small kids, they can wipe their own face.

They can go to the bathroom on their own. it opens up a whole new world. And so for anyone that is stuck in those early days where it just feels like it's never going to end, watch the clock. And when your youngest hits that age, it's life will fold better. Like, it's coming. I promise.

Kate Christy: Yeah, I've been having a lot of those conversations with moms lately. I have a friend who she's got a 15 month old and she's got another one on the way and she's like, I can't even handle this one. what am I going to do with the two? I said, I'm not trying to be patronizing.

Likewill get better. it will change. you just kind of have to give into the season let it be chaos, let it be what it is, but just know that it's going to get easier. Incrementally, it will get easier.

Monica Bailey: Right? Well, and when we had our second, I remember feeling so frazzled because, the baby's crying and your toddler's trying to talk to you and it just was so overstimulating.

And I don't know if two was the hardest for you too, but

Kate Christy: Going from two to three for me was rough. that felt, like, going from one to two felt I don't know. It felt like that was what was supposed to happen. And three felt like I just had six kids all at once, but the two oldest with our age gap, yours are 10, eight and six months, 10, seven, and three.

So like the 10 year old and the seven year old are thick as thieves. they. Take care of each other, play together, they're each other's entertainment all the time, which is amazing. and then the three year old, she's in her own little world. She's her own person to, take care of. So,

that was a nice transition because it was, Oh, we've got two big kids and a baby. And, so it didn't feel like going from one to two was like, Oh, we have two babies right now, two small humans and trying to juggle all of that. But I don't know, it was different, but yeah, going to three was like, Oh, this is chaos, absolute chaos going to three.

but some parts of it were easier, which is funny. so I, Absolutely love that you're giving us all these hot tips and tricks about, just organizing and structuring your life. That is something that I, am cognizant of this is a problem. This is something that is weighing me down. This is something that I struggle with.

But then the flip side of that is I have to spreadsheet my life, that doesn't make sense, I have to create these rules for myself. that was like such a moment of friction for me as an adult and as a parent of, that's business. But I have to do it to make my life run smoother.

And I don't know why it sounds so silly saying it out loud, but, I love that you're, talking about being your boss, the future you use, being the boss of the present you of setting all this up and kind of giving you your to do list, giving you your task list and automating your life that way, because that is removing a lot of those decisions that are weighing you down.

So. I am absolutely loving that you're dropping all of these hot tips for everyone and myself included. I'm like, okay, we're going to make some spreadsheets and some charts after this.

Monica Bailey: Well, and the key is to make something that actually helps you because if it doesn't feel like it makes your life easier, it's not your job to serve the routine.

you don't work for the routine. And I think that's where so many routines go wrong. So I tried all kinds of morning routines of like, Get up before the kids and do these 200 things. And that never felt good to me. it did not work for me to do it that way. And so I think it's so individual. And so you have to test something and say, do I feel like I am being controlled by this routine?

Or do I feel like this is making my life easier? And it's okay to say, I feel controlled. Let's do this a totally different way. And so I think it's not routine. That's the problem, but it's how have you that structure? Does it have enough flexibility to work for real life? Because if it's too rigid, like it's just never going to work.

It's not going to be sustainable. And you don't need one more thing to feel like you're failing at. and it took me quite a while to find the ones that would work for me because for so long, it felt like, oh, I'm failing at doing the routine. If you're not wanting to do it, it's probably because it's not helping you.

Kate Christy: Yeah, it's supposed to be helping. It's supposed to be alleviating. And if that feels like friction, then you're definitely not going to do it. It's definitely not going to help. Right. And something else, I think about and talking about the meal planning, for example.

I have gotten to the point recently where I'm like, I am okay with having spaghetti and meatballs every single Tuesday night. that's the phase of life right now that I'm like, that's not sexy, that's not exciting. But it, solves my problem of I don't want to keep making these decisions. I don't want to keep having

To go through the, what are we going to have? Like, what do I need to buy? what do I need to prep? all of those layers of meal planning and prepping and being okay with being boring about meals for the season of life. I am okay with that because that's solving that problem. And I think that like you're saying, building that flexibility into your life of this is the phase.

This is the season. This is what's going to work right now. And being okay with that, but also knowing like, I'm not gonna eat spaghetti and meatballs every single Tuesday for the rest of my life. I will be adventurous again. I will cook new things someday. Right. Just not this year. Right. but I think that we'll get in our own way sometimes around that,

It's like, oh, well. am I being lazy or am I being a bad mom or am I not involving my kids in the kitchen enough because we're just doing this simple basic routine or whatever it is and you can kind of get in your own way of simplifying and reducing friction and all that stuff.

when, I keep coming back to what is the ultimate goal? it's to check that decision off of the list entirely and in doing this, that's what I've done and like in your 90 day meal plan, you've done that. You're like, I have all the things set in place. all I have to do is follow the plan that future me made for myself.

Monica Bailey: Right, it does come down to choices and what do you want to prioritize because like in different phases and seasons, there's different things that are possible and you can't do all of it perfectly at the same time. it's so hard to accept when you're in those early days because you're like, I want to be performing up here, but I feel like all I can do is this.

And it's really, really hard to accept. and so for me, having it come back to What do we actually care about as a family and having a vision for your family the same way you would have like a business plan or a vision for your company? And I think people don't do that enough where they apply business principles to how they're running their family.

And then they end up just feeling like it's chaos or they feel controlled by, whatever's happening at home. And so my husband and I will do an annual planning meeting and be like, okay, what do we think matters for our family this year? what are the most important things we could be focusing on?

And we check in on that quarterly. We have a set of. Family core values, just like how we have company core values. And so if you can really define what exactly are we trying to build, because being in a family and being in a home, like it's not just, Oh, you're here. And you live this. If you do it that casually, it's going to be whatever just happens is what happens.

But if you want to build a very intentional family and lifestyle, then you have to put thought into it. And so for us, it was really like making time to have those meetings and be like. What are we actually trying to create? Because you are building that together. and so for us, we can go back to those core values and say, okay, hey, we're not going to be the family that has the healthiest lunches on the planet that our kids get sent to school with, or maybe our garage is not the tidiest it's ever been.

This week, but that's okay because we're prioritizing these other things that matter more. and so for us, one of the things that was a really big deal was we wanted our kids to have strong attachments with us as parents, and I would highly encourage any parent to study attachment theory or anyone that just Even wants to be in a long term relationship to study attachment theory because it's absolutely incredible.

But it's all about how we form bonds with people and the way those bonds are formed with your parents in those early years impacts all of your future relationships. And this has been studied in psychology for decades. And so for us, we're like, okay, we want our kids to feel safe, secure, and loved. We want to feel like they have a strong bond.

With us. And we want them to feel like they're important. even though we care about our business and we care about other things, we want them to feel like we're going to be there for them. And that matters. And so when you can kind of get very, very crystal clear on what kind of family you want to be building and what matters most, then everything below that becomes flexible and optional.

and so I think it's about being Really good at the right things and the things that matter not being good at everything out there and it makes it easier for me because I'm such a perfectionist it's easier for me to let go of not having the house look perfect all the time or not having the perfect lunch to send my kid to school with I can let go of those things if I know hey the things we are investing in are the things that I feel like matter the most for the long term for our family it lets me kind of give myself a break a little bit.

you

Kate Christy: Mm hmm. Yeah, and calling out and staking claim to those things that are important, Like you're putting it out there. You're putting it in writing, right? And you're like, these are the things that we're focusing on. You're giving yourself the ability to kind of shut down all the other noise, right?

And letting things come in and be like, oh, maybe we should care about that or maybe we should care about that. and getting kind of pushed around a little bit by external noise. but then also you're giving yourself the ability to track your progress, which, thinking about running your family as a business feels kind of crazy and wild to say out loud, but you you're in a situation, you're looking around and you're like, Oh my gosh, how did we get here?

And it's like, well, if you put a plan together, you're going to get where you're going, but if there's no plan, who's to say how you're going to get. where you want to go if you're not calling the shot, like putting it out there, giving yourself those parameters to monitor, to work on, to kind of pull you back to center.

and I love that because love that, deciding what's important to you. And I think this is so important as a mom and as parents is just. Picking those things that are important to you. Right? So that that noise doesn't creep in you're not second guessing doing this right or is this wrong?

you're like, nope I'm doing the thing that I said I was gonna do or I'm focusing on the thing thatis Meaningful to me is important to our family

Monica Bailey: noise really only creeps in if you were lacking identity as a business owner or lacking identity as a parent. If you know what you care about, if you know where you're trying to go and what your top priorities are, it makes it really easy to say no to that next shiny thing that comes in.

centered around that, then, everything that your competitors are doing, you're going to be paying attention to or every new idea or every suggestion from your team, you're not going to have any discernment to say what is worth doing and what's not worth doing unless you were grounded around that identity.

And it's the same in our families. As well. And so just because someone is posting that they do some beautiful, amazing thing for their family. if you know who you are and what you care about, you can look at that and say, that's amazing that they do that. And I love that for them, but you don't feel any pressure to do it yourself.

And I think what people don't realize is they, embark on a parenting, they don't realize that they're transforming into a totally new version of themselves and that that identity has to be built and created. So we end up feeling lost in those early days as mothers because no one is telling us like you were creating this whole new version of you, that is going to be.

Transform from the old version. It's going to be way better than it was before, but if you don't build that and find that you are as susceptible to outside influences as like a teen that has no identity or no self esteem, it's the same principle. And so when you can really get very real around what matters to you, then everything else is kind of meaningless outside of that.

Kate Christy: hmm. Well, and two. cuts down that decision fatigue or overwhelm, right? It's like you're not left pondering. well, should I do this? Or what do you think about that? Or maybe I'm going to, try this out. It's like, you're totally cutting that at the knees of not investing your time and energy into anything that doesn't serve you, doesn't serve your business, doesn't serve your family.

Okay. So you chatted about identity just now, and that is a huge. Thing with business owners, with parents going into motherhood, that transition of who you were before to who you are after. I'd love to hear your personal experience with that, because listening to you talk right now, like you are someone who is so firm and who you are and what you're going for.

And I think that that transition at the very beginning, like you're saying is just, it's so wild because you're Figuring out how the old you fits into the new you and what the new you's like. So I'd really love for you to kind share your experience you know, or into

Monica Bailey: I mean, for me, it was really tough for a couple of reasons. One, no one told me that that was even going to happen or that was a thing. So I felt like I just got kind of thrown into And felt like I'd lost myself. I didn't even know who I was looking at anymore in the mirror, and just was like, I don't understand what's happened.

I thought something was wrong because I had no idea. This was a universal experience. the other reason why it was hard is because I didn't grow up with an awesome mom that I could turn to and call when I needed help and advice. We really were left without. Really any family support at all because, Donald's siblings live out of state.

I'm the oldest daughter in my family. And so I don't have an older sibling I can call. My mom, was very dysfunctional, had a lot of mental illness. know, it has a personality disorder. A lot of things that were really rough when I was growing up and she was very emotionally abusive.

And so I went no contact with her before I even had kids because it just was at the point where it's like, okay, there is nothing here about her and pain and frustration. And she is not willing to, or is not capable of changing. Like I just have to cut the stress out of my life because I tried everything and it wasn't going to be different.

And so that was one of the healthiest things I ever did for myself. And, my mother in law isn't, super helpful, frankly, and so we just were very much on our own. Like, it was me and my husband. We've never done this before. We don't know what's going on. and so it was very, very stressful to try and figure it out without people to turn to that have been through that before they could help me figure it out.

So I felt very alone. and I think my husband was watching it being like, Oh, I thought this was supposed to be like the smooth transition and you wanted a baby. Isn't this supposed to just flow effortlessly? And so he's seeing me be stressed and frazzled and struggling with everything. And he doesn't know what's going on because he's a man and he doesn't understand what is happening.

And I don't understand what's happening at that time. and so it took really several years for me to kind of slowly work my way Out of that. And so I think that was one of the powerful things around us living in a time where we have social media is hearing the stories of other women and realizing what a universal experience that is where it's almost like I like to describe it like a phoenix where it dies off and it's reborn from the ashes.

and so part of that is letting go of the old thing because for a long time, I tried to recapture the old version of me and try and find, what was I doing before and get back to the things that I enjoyed before, but it never felt quite right. it felt like a mismatch was really hard to accept.

Letting go of the old because I didn't know if anything new was coming. I kind of thought, Oh, if I let go of the old version of me, then there's just nothing. And I don't know who I am. So I clung to that for a really long time. and then I finally kind of started hearing stories of like other women and realizing Oh, this is part of the process.

And I had no idea. And so it was really leap of faith. to kind of let go of the old and be like, okay, I'm going to let this die off. I'm not going to worry about it. I'm going to trust that I'm going to figure out something else. Cause I'm scrappy. I can figure out how to rebuild something, but it was very, very scary to know if anything was coming.

and so then now going through the process of rebuilding and finding that, looking back, I'm like, Oh, I wish I would have had someone to guide me through that and to tell me the new you is going to be levels above what the old you Ever was, and that this is a natural evolution of you as a person, you're not losing something.

You're not going to be left with nothing. It is simply like letting go of that time. That was wonderful and moving into an even more wonderful future. and so to realize that it's natural, normal, I think would have calmed me a lot. and to realize that, you're building this new you that has a bigger capacity to love and to understand people and to juggle things and to carry more weight and to just expand in every way possible.

and that stretching time, does feel very uncomfortable. It's hard and it feels weird, but moving through that and trusting the process. You have so much more power on the other side as you embrace that rather than, fighting against yourself the whole way through. So mine was not, like, a picture perfect journey.

It was as much resistance as anyone could have had in the process. and I'm just like, oh, I wish I would have known differently

Kate Christy: going through that. for me, it was like three years probably kind of getting over the hump of, okay, I'm not her anymore and that's okay. but yeah, it does.

It hits you out of nowhere, like a freight train and you're like, Oh my gosh, I don't know what to do with this. I remember my first child coming home from the hospital and my husband's best friend was there to see the baby. And he was like, you go lay down and we'll take care of him. And I remember just sobbing, walking to the bedroom, because I was like, I don't know what to do with myself now.

Right? don't have this baby on me. I'm supposed to go sleep. Who am I? I don't know. But it was like such this crazy emotional feeling of like, oh. I can't leave him.

Monica Bailey: And kind of what I wish people would realize with newborns and, hoping I remember this for when I become a mother in law and I can help out in the future. But I really feel like if people understood, okay, if they all take care of the mother and invest in her, then she's going to want to naturally invest everything in that baby.

Anyway, but I think people get so focused on the baby and I get it. They're cuter than we are. Of course, people are going to want to focus there. But instead of being like, oh, we're going to take the baby away or we're going to help with this or we're going to help with the house, investing in what does this mom actually need?

Like, does she need emotional support? Does she need help with housework? Does she need some quiet because she's overstimulated? Because I feel like moms get totally dropped in the process. And so there's all these people ready to greet the baby, hopefully in an ideal situation. And the moms are left to just try and figure out how to take care of themselves while they're recovering.

And that doesn't make any sense. And so wish our society would change and be like, how do we invest in mothers? Because they need so much care, especially after delivery. first year, they need so much help and support and to factor them in, not just factoring in the baby.

Kate Christy: Well, I think in our culture too, we're kind of coming into a situation, first time parenting,

You're like, okay, well, postpartum is like six to eight weeks, that's how much time you get off for work and then everything's back to normal. And it's like, no, two, three years. pretty much for you to like all of your hormones to kind of get back to what they were before or to kind of get to the new normal or whatever that is.

And that is like, especially if you're breastfeeding, that's like a ride that no one told me about, was getting on. It's like, Oh, six weeks. I'll be fine. Right? No. And it's like, okay, well three kids and. 10 years later, I'm like, Oh, maybe now I feel like my body's my own again.

And my mind's my own again, I'm like, right.

Monica Bailey: And there's all this pressure to just Move ahead without skipping a beat. And I don't know why that's the case, except for The people that benefit from us writing ourselves ragged are the ones that are, championing that. But for me, I was the one after a C section, I'm like sending emails, from the hospital and feeling like I have to just be right, back in it.

and I think for a minute that feels good, but then you get a month or two in and you're like, why am I at a state of complete burnout? And. for me, I didn't realize how much I was not taking care of myself. until I was just hitting burnout over and over and over again. And was like, okay, I need to be managing this, differently.

But people act like, good for you if that's what you're doing. And you're supposed to be doing that. And it's almost like you have some kind of like mom adrenaline rush after where you just feel like, okay, I'll go do all the things and we don't take care of ourselves after.

Kate Christy: Well, I love what you said about this. shedding and becoming this new person and part of that process is your capacity grows you become more capable you become More, able to give more to do more to be more because that's what's required of you as a mother Right, like you have to care for an entirely new human being and then you add another one to the mix, right?

And then you're like all of a sudden like I have the capacity to love three new people that never existed That's absolutely wild. But I think with that too comes this we have this extra capacity and it's like, oh, we need to fill it. We need to, serve that purpose. Like you're talking about, sending the emails and making sure we're not falling behind and, making sure we're still living up to those expectations that, of what we set for ourself, of who we were before or.

What society setting for us. Right. And I think we can fall into that. Like we are more capable now. Therefore, we can easily overextend ourselves. Yes. And like monitoring that is like a huge thing that I was not prepared for.

Monica Bailey: Right. Me neither. And I think one of the things that I honestly, it's taken me 10 years to realize this.

This is kind of in the last year I've realized that with that capacity growing, you know, You're carrying so much more on your plate, so that means you need to do more to take care of yourself and not less. And that just never clicked for me. It took so long for that to click in my brain to realize, Okay, I have been chronically neglecting myself because I thought I could do the same amount for myself that I did before I had kids.

I never realized and I never heard anyone talk about the fact that you probably need Way more because you're doing way more. You have way more responsibility, way more mental load. and to really look at, okay, where am I actually failing myself and For some reason, as moms, we always want to be turning outward of like, what do the kids need?

What does the house need? What does everything else need? we know that we neglect ourselves, but I didn't realize that a big part of that was, just in things that felt so basic, I almost ignored it, if it makes sense. even just like my physical care. Or the amount of rest that I should really be getting because, it's like one minute you have all the energy of a 23 year old and then all of a sudden you feel old and tired and you're, trying to run your life the same way you were running it in your twenties before you had kids.

it's not the same and it took so long for that to click and so I've really had to look at being much more intentional because I want my focus to be out here when really it's like you need to start in the middle of the circle because if you're not caring for yourself, well, your performance is going to decrease.

everywhere else. And I know we get told that all the time as moms, if you invest in yourself, it's going to help everyone else. But that was so easy for me to ignore. that felt like just kind of the nice thing to say. I couldn't see any sort of direct relationship until I hit burnout consistently for a while.

and then I really had to kind of transition how I think about that to be like, Hey, I have to be a good steward of myself, and if I cannot be a good steward of myself and manage my own care, what else can I really be trusted with? I had to look at it that intensely on that level of like, if I can't care for myself, should I really be trusted with stewarding a multimillion dollar business?

Should I really be trusted with stewarding, children in a family? And so I had to kind of make it almost an extreme thought for me to actually be willing to accept the fact that I deserve time too. Because I always was that like, I'll push through it. I can do without it. I'm fine. always trying to be tough throughout it instead of saying, Hey, the amount to which you were willing to be a good steward to yourself tells you a whole lot about what your capabilities are everywhere else.

And if you increase your ability to be a good steward to yourself, then you can be trusted with, so much more, I don't know why we try and work from the outside in, Yeah, it almost feels unnatural, right? It's like, Oh, let me pause and take time out to do this thing. And, that constant lie.

Kate Christy: I think we always tell ourselves is once I get through this list or once I get through this season or once I get through, these things, then I'll have the time. I'll have the space. I'll have the capacity to do X, Y and Z for myself. the listeners are probably so sick of hearing me say this, but I went through this whole thing with taking a morning walk where it would, there's a path right by where I take my daughter to drop her off at daycare.

it's not out of the way. I just literally have to pull off the road and get on a car and go walk and then get back in and then come the rest of the way home. But it was such a mental, obstacle for me to get over to say, Hey, take 45 minutes out of your day. And go for a walk, because the end result of that is like a no music, no podcast walk.

I'm just like out there, fresh air, bird watching, walking. I have all kinds of downloads all the time when I'm out there. I'm like, oh, that's the solution to this problem I've been chewing on. This is what I should do. Or, oh, hey, wouldn't it be cool if I did X, Y, and Z? And it's just like giving yourself that space to allow for those things to come in, for you to work through things.

even just to have space for nothing to happen, right? and I also think about, what example are we setting for our children? And those around us when it's just push, push, push, push, push, and never pause. I think about looking back on my childhood. I had a wonderful situation growing up, but I do remember my mom was always cleaning, always doing, and I'm like going into parenthood.

I was like, okay, I'm not going to be the mom that's always cleaning, always, you know, be like, oh yeah, I'll do that thing with you when I get through this to do list that I will actually never get through. And now I'm like, oh, wait. I'm doing that. That's me right now. Well, and it's so funny you mentioned walking because that has actually been one of the biggest things that I have done for myself, because there is just something about like when you get into the sun, the way that that sends code to your mitochondria and tells your body what it needs to be doing.

Monica Bailey: The science behind that is incredible. The studies they've done on hearing birds sing and what that does to help regulate your nervous system. Amazing, even just taking your shoes off and being like, okay, I'm going to ground for a couple of minutes, like things that sound, a little hippie dippy or whatever.

It's like, there's actual science behind those things. And, I've tried all the different kinds of self care, but it's like, there is no spa day. That's going to do as much for me is actually go in and walking. Not having any, stimuli coming into my brain where I'm not, you know, same as you, not listening to anything.

Sometimes my husband will come with and we'll talk and those end up being really great moments together. But just having yourself be quiet and taking in the things that nature has to offer, like, it is amazing how Nature feels like it is designed for our good, it sends signals to our bodies in 20 different ways, telling us that we are safe, that we can be calm to clear our heads.

It's just amazing. I feel like I have not found anything that has worked as well as walking in nature.

Kate Christy: Well, there you go. It's like we were talking about earlier, like just a very simple solution.

Monica Bailey: it's so weirdly hard to justify it. Cause you're like, Oh, I need to get to the office or I need to do this.

Or what about that? It has been the hardest thing for me to justify, even though I can tell someone else here's 20 reasons why this is really good for you. It's just crazy how much we have to untangle the war happening in our own head because we're our own worst enemy there.

Kate Christy: Yeah. And it's very difficult to talk yourself into taking an hour or taking this time out to do this thing that you, almost always look at it as, Oh, I'm losing.

Productivity or I'm losing forward motion on this thing if I stop and go do this other thing, which is taking care of myself, which it's so crazy saying it out loud, right? But the reality is when you take those pauses, and you said it earlier, like if you're on all the time, like you're not going to be able to perform at the same level.

that's the thing that we like as women, I think continually run up against that wall is like, what's happening? let's take a beat ladies. let's take a pause. let's take care of ourselves. But it is crazily. It's very difficult to do.

Monica Bailey: Well, and for me, it's helped to have kind of a plan B reason for doing the things that I struggle to justify.

And so, there's some days where you're like, yep, I want to invest in me, and that's enough of a reason for you to get out there and do that walk or go do whatever you need to be doing. and there's a lot of days where that fails, where it's like, I don't care enough about me to make that be a good enough reason.

And so, if I have a plan B and a plan C that I can turn to, it makes it a lot easier for me to actually go. And so typically what I do, and this might sound kind of crazy, but it's like, if me is not enough of a reason that day, I'll think of something where it's like, Hey, I haven't had time to think through, like, what does this child need for this thing that they're struggling with, or what is this part of the business need, because that's kind of lagging a little bit.

And so I will kind of pick a topic and say, Hey, I never have time to think about this. So it keeps staying on my to do list. I'm going to think about this while I do a work. I'm going and let my head just kind of spin on this then for some reason it lets me give myself permission to the thing that I should already be fine with doing.

But I'll start off and be like, okay, I'm going to send my mind on an errand because it's incredible to me that you can send your brain on an errand for you and say, solve this problem for me. And if you give it enough space and quiet, it can kind of start working on that, even if it's in the background.

and then like you said, you end up getting those downloads of here's what's needed and this. situation, but for me, it helps a lot to say, I'm going to give my brain an assignment and then I'm going to put myself in this environment where it's really easy to think clearly because I'm moving and I'm in the fresh air.

And then those downloads come and then you're like, see, that was a worthwhile thing for me to do. Cause now I have a really great idea that I can implement. and so I don't know if anyone else is the same way, but sometimes me is not as much of a reason as it should be. So I've got to have like a backup to, make it happen.

Kate Christy: Yeah. Like a fail safe. I love that. so you've mentioned several times chronic burnout and you have been dropping hot tips and tricks this whole episode. So I would, love for you to share a little bit about, your process, getting out, pulling yourself out of burnout, any, things that you've put in place to prevent that from happening now.

So yeah, tell us all your hot tips and tricks on that.

Monica Bailey: Yeah, so I think the, thing that kept me in burnout longer than I needed to be there or even just, cause some of it was the idea that I would try and say, okay, I'm going to do something for me. I'm going to take an hour and do some me time.

And I felt like I had to have 100 percent effectiveness. for it to be worth the time of doing that, if that makes any sense. And so sometimes I'd be like, okay, I'm going to take some time for me. But first it's the question of, I don't even know what to do because I'm so out of touch with what it is to be a good steward of myself and to take care of myself.

I don't even know what I should be doing. should I be organizing? Should I be going to the spa? Should I be napping? I don't even know what I should be doing. Cause I was that out of touch. and then the second thing was if I got to the end of that hour or that afternoon. And I didn't feel totally fixed.

I would decide that it wasn't worthwhile and it was just like a waste of that time. And so I had to go through a big mental shift to kind of realize that, hey, it's not that it's all going to be fixed at the end of the hour, which I knew, but it was also hard to accept for some reason. you feel like you should just be able to snap out of it.

Like you've done for years and just put it aside and keep going. but to realize like, it's more of a pattern of how I'm living my life. It's not. Doing self care in a day or in a moment or in a month. And I think like the question that I feel like women ask is, okay, if I invest in these things to get out of my burnout, how long is it going to take till I'm out?

And it's so hard to drop that question and say, okay, it's not about. how long until this band aid works? It's how do I change the way I'm living? Because this is the result of what I'm choosing right now. How do I choose something different so I get a different result? another thing that really helped me was understanding that there were different types of risks.

I had no idea what that looked like. I think for me not growing up with a nurturing mom, I didn't know what that looked like to nurture myself because no one had done that for me. So there was this whole learning curve of trying to understand what does that look like? And for me, a lot of it helped to kind of switch places a little bit and say, okay, if I imagine that my daughter is in the same place in the future, you know, 20 something years from now, she's in this place.

What would I do for her? How would I spring to action and care for her? What would I make sure she's doing for herself? What would I arrange for her? And it was easier for me to imagine caring for her in that state and knowing what to do versus with myself. I'm like, I don't even know what I need to be doing.

and so I had to kind of research like, okay, what is the care that people actually need? Because a pedicure is not going to fix it. Like what do we actually really need as people? I really enjoyed the book. I think it's called seven types of rest. there's an MD that wrote that, as she hit some burnout and was trying to figure out how to solve that.

And she kind of found, okay, there's seven different types of rest. Not just the ones that we think of as a go to and so she's got a quiz that you can take I think for free online that I really enjoyed because it showed me that a lot of the places I was really fatigued was in, areas of mental load.

It was in being completely overstimulated by all of the sensory information around me. because that was really difficult for me, like moving into parenthood. And there's always noise. There's always mess. everything is so overwhelming from a sensory perspective. and I had no idea that that was one of the things that was really draining me.

and so if I would try and focus on something to help with physical energy, but that wasn't where my problem was, it wasn't going to do me any good. and so I've really had to prioritize moments of solitude, to help with the overstimulation that comes from having employees that always need things from you and kids that need things from you, just being in a state of quiet was part of what I needed individually, because that's part of where I was so fatigued.

And so I think getting really familiar with where are you fatigued and where are you not fatigued and creating solutions that are kind of specific to that, it is slow. To come out of that because it's not like you're just filling in a hole that you've dug, but that's how we talk about it.

It's really more like what is the result of the lifestyle that you are living? and so I had to give myself permission to have slower mornings, you know, for me, it didn't work to say, I'm going to get up at five in the morning and I'm going to do these 200 things that wasn't working for me.

And so to say, okay. From the time I wake up until my kids go off to school, I'm just focusing on family time and what the kids need there and I get them off to school and then I'm going to get ready and run into the office and so like, no, I'm not the first one in the building, but I had to accept that that was okay that I don't need to be the first one here and the last one to go at the end of the night because that wasn't working for me and to say, hey, I accomplished more if I do.

A shorter day where I'm really on my head is working. Things are lined up. I've got support assistance and people that can make my life flow really, really easily and to focus on how do I have the most high impact five hours instead of having a crappy eight hours. For me, that was a really worthwhile trade.

But again, it's hard to accept that you can't do All of the things. And so I resisted it for, way too long before that.

Kate Christy: That was definitely something I struggle with as well. And especially transitioning from like a quote unquote real job to entrepreneurship was like, okay, I've got a clock in and clock out eight hours.

that's what a productive day is. And I'm like, what? no, we don't have

Monica Bailey: different. Yes. I think that is the weirdest mindset when you become an entrepreneur is. You think you're supposed to follow the same rules as your employees because that's kind of what they tell you is Oh, you're a bad boss if you're not following the same rules, but to realize you cannot perform well and do the things that are on your plate well in that kind of environment.

And so, yes, you need your team to do that and they're going to show up, but they also get to leave at the end of the day and not worry if the building's on fire. They don't have to worry about any of that. And so they have their system that works well for them. And as an owner, it's completely different because it's 24 seven, there is no clocking out.

even when you're on vacation, you're dealing with stuff. And so to realize you have to manage your time very, very differently, was useful for me. And as I started to study how some of the, Epic entrepreneurs. Manage their time and the things that they give themselves permission to do that made me feel like, okay, maybe it's okay if I choose this thing that is good for me, because for a long time, I felt like, no, I need to somehow meet the standards of all these other things that don't even fit my situation.

and so there's a lot of, huge entrepreneurs that I think Bezos talks about how, he doesn't have any meetings before 10 a. m. because he needs to have his morning lineup a certain way. So he can be high performing after that. I mean, there's countless examples. For how people do it. And again, everyone is going to be so individual.

You have to see what works for you. But to realize that me aligning my world to revolve around what helps me be an optimal performance, that is not a luxury and a perk of being a business owner that I should feel guilty about. it is actually a necessity. And that was, very scary to believe because it felt like, Oh, am I being entitled?

Or am I disconnected from reality? am I just being kind of a diva? And I think you really have to let that go as an entrepreneur and say, Hey, I know I can perform better and I'm making. A very calculated smart investment so that I can have better outputs. and so to realize like, hey, it's okay if someone else is picking up my lunch and running errands for me and answering some of my emails and doing all those things that like, it feels hard to let go of.

but it really all has to be based on what are the results and what is your performance and not what the shoulds are like all the shoulds go out the window the moment you're an entrepreneur, and it is just about results from that point on, because no one else is going to be an advocate for results more than you as an owner, and it's no one else's job.

To do that on that level. And so if you're not doing it because you're trying to fit the shoulds of what looks good to your employees or what looks good to your neighbors, that is not serving your business. And your number one job is to be a good steward of the business. And you can't do that unless you are ensuring optimal performance.

And so you will do whatever weird quirky stuff you have to do to make sure that you were doing top results. Cause that's really what your number one responsibility is. It's not about looking a certain way and meeting other people's standards.

Kate Christy: Yeah. And at the end of the day, you are building your business, right?

Like it's got to work for you, for your husband, for your family, it's your vision and you get to build it and you get to be the steward of it. And it's like, why even, entertain these other things that don't, that don't suit your lifestyle and being able to build that business around your lifestyle.

I think that's one of the most beautiful things about entrepreneurship is. you can build a business that fits the life that you want to live. And the

Monica Bailey: only people that will judge it are ones that have never been there. They have not been an entrepreneur and they don't understand it.

They're looking from an employee mindset, which is a totally different perspective than an owner's mindset. And both have value, at different times, but you cannot run a business from an employee mindset. It has to be from an owner's mindset and anyone else that has been there before. We'll be right there with you saying, Hey, I did the same thing.

Or I chose to go even more extreme than that. Anyone ahead of you on the path is going to be patting you on the back saying you are making the right decision. The only ones criticizing it are the naysayers that don't have the guts to start their own business. They have all kinds of opinions about how you should be spending your time.

So be very careful about who you listen to. Only listen to people that are performing better than you, that are more successful than you, that have better relationships than you. Be so mindful of who you trust, because if they are not living a life that you'd want to trade places with in that category, then don't trust that, don't listen to it, just let the noise pass on by, and don't give it a second thought.

Because the ones that get it, they will never put you down, they will always encourage you because they get it.

Kate Christy: Yeah. Oh my gosh, Monica, you have been filling our ears with such good advice, tips, tools, tricks. I'm absolutely in awe on how like jam packed full of information this episode is and our listeners get to just feast on it.

Like I'm so excited. we are at time. I could sit here and talk to you and totally transform my whole entire life over this conversation, but we are out of time. so before we wrap up, I just want to thank you for, giving me your time because that is a huge thing to give to someone. and so I appreciate you taking the time to come on the podcast.

if you could just tell everyone where they can connect with you online and shop your, amazing products. so

Monica Bailey: Yes. So if you want to hear about the products end of things, we have YouTube shorts. epic. dental, E P I C. dental. and then if you want to just follow me and my husband as entrepreneurs and parents and people that are just trying to juggle life, we have a personal account where we do that.

It's the Bailey's dot official, on those same platforms.

Kate Christy: Okay. We will link everything in the show notes.